The use of technologies can undermine our relationships

Some scholars predict that we are heading towards a society without erotic relationships, that the use of technologies can undermine our relationships and that in 30 years we will stop having sex. We have asked our collaborator and sexologist Arancha Gómez what she thinks of this and what we can do to keep the flame of intimacy alive with our partner. Undoubtedly, the arrival of motherhood means that we can lose the frequency of these erotic relationships, but as a couple we can all do our part so that if there is still love, everything recovers. What do you think?

* You can follow her on @atajou and on the website of Sexorum.

You read with astonishment a news that proclaims that “We will stop having sex in fifteen years”.

You reflect on the frequency with which you and the good father/bad mother2 manage to have erotic encounters and you think that it’s a bit sad… but you also remember the “you do it less than a married man” that your grandfather used to say and you think that It’s not as worrying as the headline suggests… Or is it?

A Cambridge study has observed that in the 90s couples had about 5 weekly relationships, in 2000 the average dropped to 4 and in our decade we are at 3. Scientists, following this progression, have predicted that by 2030 there will hardly be erotic relationships .

The truth is that it seems to me a lot to predict. It is true that new technologies have changed the way we relate to each other and that now, with our mobile phones, we have an instant messaging connection at any time with our best friend, with the group of Malasmadres that we met at Party IV and with the family (and the boss, co-workers, the school mothers chat, etc…). There is also an open bar for series with the new streaming platforms, but imagine for a moment what an amazing jump the landing of television in homes must have been. I do not know if at that time any study was done on this subject, but they must have been put in the worst: the forecast of the end of the world, directly.

What can we Malasmadres do to avoid this debacle?

As regards ourselves, as we have already spoken on other occasions, the center of the family is the couple. Just as psychologists say that if we are not well, our environment cannot be well in the long run, so it is with the family: if the couple is not united and strong, the family lacks a solid foundation.

The glue that binds the couple together is commitment, intimacy, and synergy. When affective relationships are deep and close, their fruit is intimacy and, in the couple, it is in that intimate space where erotica lives, where love can unfold at will. The link between intimacy and erotic relationships is two-way. Only when intimacy occurs do erotic relationships take place and it is these that enhance and raise the level of intimacy of a relationship.

A couple without erotic relationships ends up looking like a couple of well-matched roommates. And, once again I remember that, although when we talk about erotic relationships what comes to mind has to do with the genitals – chapter “use and enjoyment” – in reality, erotica is the way in which we give body to our love. Thus, caresses, skin to skin, hugs, kisses, care, closeness and bodily complicity are also part of the erotica of a couple. And it is these things that remind us why we are together, why we stay in the same boat and why that boat is the best place we can be.


Sex education: the little school of love

One of my sexology teachers, Ester Pérez Opi, said that the coexistence of children with the couple formed by their parents is the “little school of love”. And it is that children learn by our example, they learn by seeing what we do and by imitating us. Everything takes place under the supervision of their watchful eye: our behavior with their teachers, with the neighbors, with their grandparents and uncles, when we go out to buy bread, while driving and, of course, what we do in front of them. with our partner.

Each couple must examine their conscience and find what values ​​they want to transmit to their offspring and act accordingly. Kissing in front of them, hugging, putting an arm on the other’s shoulders or a hand on their butt… There is no magic recipe about what we should and should not do in front of them because there is no single way of living sexuality and relationships . Nor is it a matter of forcing ourselves to show them gestures that belong to our intimacy. It is about doing an exercise in coherence and aligning what we do with what we think.

Us and the mobile: setting an example

According to the authors of the study, young people talk to their friends through WhatsApp, even if they are having a coffee in the same place. The mobile seems to be one of the great causes of change in relationships. And here again, we continue to set an example, even unintentionally. If we are at the table having dinner with the family, talking with our partner or at a family gathering and we cannot avoid looking at the screen of our terminal all the time, we are clearly transmitting that the messages that reach us through the device are more important or urgent than what the people we are with tell us. And perhaps it is so, but before looking at the mobile screen as we used to look at the clock, as a reflex action and without really realizing what we were doing, we must be aware of whether that is what we really want to teach our Kids.

And what do you think about this news? Do you think that the species is destined to have children through assisted reproduction techniques due to lack of erotic relationships?

We want to say thanks to the author of this article for this outstanding material

The use of technologies can undermine our relationships

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