The three most common mistakes people make in their sex life

“I believe that a way to understand what a satisfactory sexual life means is closer to what an authentic experience means for each person” (Getty Images)

A healthy and fulfilling sexual life is a fundamental part of the stability of a couple’s relationship.. This component creates a physical and emotional connection that strengthens sentimental ties, which gives the opportunity to live new experiences and feel new emotions. However, although it can be exciting and enjoyable at first, there are some moments when the intensity decreases. In those cases, they begin to emerge some discomforts that can significantly affect the couple.

for the graduate Cecilia Ce (MN.49571), psychologist and sexologist, sexuality is plural, variable and difficult to generalize. “I consider that One way to understand what a satisfying sex life means is closer to what an authentic experience means for each person. That is why there is no parameter of how to live sexuality that is applicable to all people”, He said in an interview with this medium.

“We need to stop worrying so much about having ‘bad’ or ‘good’ sex. Sex is so varied, at least in part because it’s so emotional. It changes all the time, depending on your partner, the stress of your job, your health, and even stupid little things. like if your dog ate one of your socks and threw it up. There is very little universally applicable advice beyond ‘Do what makes you feel good without harming others’. If we follow that rule we are probably doing it right”, he wrote for his part, in a recent article that was published in the magazine bustle, the writer and comedian Americans Sophia Benoit.

As a sex columnist, the expert often receives letters from concerned people. “It worries them being too inexperienced; It worries them that your sex life is not exciting enough; It worries them not knowing what they are doing; It worries them that their desires are abnormal or directly strange. Many people who write to me seem to assume that they are somehow missing key information, and if only they had access to it, they would never be craving sex again,” she said. For benoit, author of the book Well this is exhausting who writes about sex and relationships and empowers women to speak openly about their desires, “exist some useless assumptions that many people who follow me seem to share”.

The three most common mistakes people make in their sex life

1. Believing that orgasms are the point of sex

Orgasm is a release of sexual tension about which many things are said. There are many expectations that are played around reaching it, the rumors, the myths and the pressures that revolve around the event (Getty Images)
Orgasm is a release of sexual tension about which many things are said. There are many expectations that are played around reaching it, the rumors, the myths and the pressures that revolve around the event (Getty Images)

At the time of a sexual encounter, it happens that many times we put the focus on the result. We observe and analyze what happens externally, what we do, what we don’t do, if it goes as expected or not, etc. And also based on that we draw conclusions that, guess, are usually not very positive. We get bogged down in wanting to reverse but we continue to put the focus outside: if I had an erection, if I reached orgasm, if the other did this or that thing.

“Having an orgasm is amazing. We all deserve to have one. It is understandable to assume that having an orgasm is the most important indicator of good sex; we even call it ‘achieving’ an orgasm, as if it were an achievement. But here’s the secret: sex is so much better when you focus less on the big ending and more on the pleasure during the whole the experience”, asserted the specialist.

You can have good sex without having an orgasm. “A lot of people do it: some medicines, including many of those first prescribed for anxiety and depression, make it very difficult to orgasm. Same as him stresslike the depression and the anxiety themselves, as well as past sexual trauma, like all kinds of peculiarities corporal random. For many people, reaching orgasm is not guaranteed.” he added.

2. Fear of missing out

"Please stop believing that everyone else has an easy, hot, successful sex life.
“Please stop believing that everyone else has an easy, hot, successful sex life” (Christin Klose)

“Hardly anything is more common in the world of sex advice than listen to someone who is convinced that he is missing out. People write to me lamenting the sex life they might have had: What if they had left an unhappy relationship sooner? What if they had broken up with her college boyfriend? What if your ex hadn’t broken up with them?” said the specialist.

However, according to benoit, “the worst is people often say that they feel silly or ashamed for feeling this way, as if getting excited about missing something only served to waste more time. But the truth is that you can only live one life and you can’t try everything. So feel sad! Feel your sorrow! Get angry and lonely, scared, resentful and bitter all you want. Feel your feelings until the end. And then find healthy ways to deal with them, maybe take some time to explore, if that’s what you want. But please, stop believing that everyone else has an easy, hot, successful sex life.”

3. Thinking that great sex is all about chemistry.

Good sex requires work. But most of us assume the opposite: we see good sex as a sign of chemistry, which makes it something static, something that a person can offer you or not (Getty Images)
Good sex requires work. But most of us assume the opposite: we see good sex as a sign of chemistry, which makes it something static, something that a person can offer you or not (Getty Images)

the good sex requires work. But most of us assume the opposite: we see great sex as a sign of chemistry, which makes it something static, something that a person can offer you or not. Actually, hesexual life is built with a person. You are not choosing a car; they are building a house together, brick by brick.

the good sex requires attraction Sure, but it also requires efforteither; usually that means terribly honest conversations about what you want in bed. Most of us don’t have the practice of talking about sex in a way that doesn’t feel very, very uncomfortable, partly because we have never had good ways to talk about sex.

“People often write asking how to mention that they want something different in bed. many people ask how to manage different sexual urges, for example. One person wrote, concerned that they don’t like to kiss. Another wrote concerned that he is not currently attracted to his partner due to weight gain. All of them they have more communication to do, scary communication, about what they want sexually,” counted benoit.

She concluded: “It’s not like you need to pour out every sexual thought and feeling you have right away with a new partner. But if you’re interested in having sex with the same partner for a while, it’s worth it. Don’t be afraid to do seemingly ‘cheesy’ things, like play games that ask sexual questions or take online quizzes that share your overlapping issues. If this is the only person you have a sexual relationship with, you should be able to talk about it.”

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The three most common mistakes people make in their sex life