If we do a quick search on google with the terms sex, partner and routine, we immediately get a multitude of results, in which we can see totally negative, alarmist and pathologizing headlines, such as “Sex and routine, the great enemy of the couple”, or “How to win the battle against routine”…Is routine really such a bad thing?
From my point of view, the answer is a resounding no. In long-term couples, the routine is totally normaland it is not an indication that there is anything wrong, simply that two (or more) people who know each other quite well on a sexual level, have entered into certain habits and/or customs, which means that sexual relations may be routine, as the word itself indicates. The risk is that this may lead to what monotonousand from there to boredand then, we do have a “problem”, and it is that if sex bores us, why are we going to practice it, being able to do other things?
Although it is true that sexuality is to be enjoyed, to get to know each other, to explore… the fact that we maintain relationships with a person who known perfectly our body, our areas erogenous and how to stimulate us to give us pleasure, can not be a bad thing. The human being is a being of customswith a high capacity for adapt to everything This means that we immediately learn behavior patterns when it comes to relationships, and sex is just one more way to establish relations with another human being, on a physical level, emotionaland sometimes affective.
The key can be guided by the fact that the routine is good for the couple, if you have the ability to break when we need it. Sometimes, we repeat the same activity over and over again at a specific time of the week, such as watching a movie on the sofa on a Sunday, and we do not consider it less valid for that. It is a moment of relaxation, a moment to dedicate ourselves to ourselves, of disconnection… the tranquility lies in knowing that whenever we want, we can romper that habit, and instead of staying on the sofa, go out for a coffee, walk along the beach, or go to the movies, among many others options.
Something similar happens with sexual relations. If we know exactly how to give placer to our partner, and we are clear about how we like to be provided to us, but we begin to have the feeling that what we do is the same thing over and over again, we have to have enough cognitive flexibility and open-mindedness as to be able to get out of the circle, and think outside the box.
Many couples know that they are somewhat bored of their relationships being always the same, but they cannot think of how to introduce changes in them, perhaps because they think that getting out of that monotony means doing things with which they do not agree, such as involving third parties in relationships, going to swingers clubs, having sex in public places… but those are just ideas preconceived, because they are still options, within a wide range of possibilities. Without going any further, here are 4 ideas that do not involve opening the relationship:
- erotic literature: Explore the possibility of looking for a book of erotic stories, and read it to each other, or even recreate certain scenes and fantasies, in real life…
- couple porn: You can experiment by seeing the number of types of porn that the market offers today, browsing the various categories and even interpreting some of the scenes that excite you the most.
- erotic toys: With this concept alone, we are opening ourselves up to a million possibilities. There are thousands of erotic cosmetic items, lubricants, oils with different effects and flavours, individual and couple vibrators, masturbator eggs… Paying a visit or even a tour to the different erotic shops in the area can also be fun and stimulating.
- erogenous map: A good idea is to perform a massage that covers the entire body of our partner, using different materials, textures, temperatures… and exploring the entire “map” that his body offers us, both from the front and from behind, both in obviously erogenous zones, as in others that we initially think are not, and then they can surprise us. Then, discussing as a couple those areas that have excited us the most is very interesting, because it also encourages sexual communication.
And it is that, on many occasions, we don’t value routine until we lose it. And knowing that we have that option of switch and innovatebrings a lot of relief and takes away a lot of stress from our personal relationships, because the routine is not bad in itself, but the fact that we perceive our relationships as boring is.
Do we really have to feel bad about wanting to have sex in bed most of the time? Or doing, on most occasions, the two postures that I like the most? No no and no. that’s called self-knowledge erotic, and at no time can we cross it out as something negative. The problem would be that we were not able to to listen the suggestions of our partner, or to get out of our comfort zone if at a given moment we feel like it.
So, Are you ready to put your cognitive flexibility and open-mindedness to the test in bed? Or will it be somewhere else?
We wish to give thanks to the writer of this article for this incredible content
The sexual routine as a couple • Ángela Aznárez – Sexology and Psychology
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