The relational “Ditch”

I love her, I don’t love her anymore …

The relational “DITCH” is a term to define the moment when almost all couples reach the point of no return where sexual and / or marital difficulties take too great a place and separation becomes possible. This phase is normal and desirable, as it pushes individuals to become better people and above all, better partners. Are you ready to get out of your “DITCH”?

We often hear that the key to success in a couple is communication and especially when the couple is going through marital difficulties. On the other hand, we quickly realize in therapy that communication is not really an issue. It is the emotional management in the face of our differences that is the main source of difficulties in a long-term relationship. What you need to know is that each individual has different ways of reacting to these difficulties by the type of alliance they use in their conflict. It is these reactions in particular that can generate repetitive bickering and emotional dead ends within the couple.

The early break?

Today, one in two unions ends in separation. Indeed, the legal procedures of divorce are simplified more and more. However, even though this process becomes simpler, the decision to end a marriage is still much less easy to make. This decision should not be taken lightly or taken on a “whim”, because it involves taking the risk of regretting it. Sometimes the threat of a breakup is a strategy for making changes in the relationship. Error if your integrity is not behind this intention!

Currently, individualism and the quest for personal development reign in many individuals. We try to be satisfied and think of ourselves above all. Which is not bad in itself. However, we notice that couples are consumed and thrown away when they are no longer satisfactory. Nowadays, we have a lot of expectations towards our partner, including being our best friend, our lover, our lover, our supportive shoulder, our “care-taker”, etc. In this sense, trade-offs seem to be much less likely than in past years, as options and opportunities “seem” to be plentiful, at least on the surface. At the same time, compromises are also a great source of distress in couples who last over time. Do you know the expression: “Put water in your wine!” “? After 11 years of watering it… the wine doesn’t taste so good anymore. To compromise or not to compromise is not the root of the problem either, as many will lead you to believe. The difficulty of maintaining one’s personal integrity while being in relationship with the other and the integrity of his / her partner is at the heart of the marital difficulties of our time.

When you get into a relationship with someone, you often have this idea of ​​a linear relationship, without pitfalls, enriching and above all, satisfying. However, any relationship contains its share of frustrations and tensions, but does not necessarily imply a separation or a divorce.

How to get out of it?

First of all, you have to ask yourself what feeds the couple. What makes that the couple managed to cross all these pitfalls. Taking stock of the situation is the number one step towards the success of a problem. You have to wonder how and why this problem arose within the couple. Self-confrontation first and foremost. Pointing out your partner’s faults will inevitably lead to your downfall. How did I contribute to the dynamics of our couple? Do you also have to be honest with yourself and name the things you want the most? Above all, we must not jump to conclusions too quickly, thinking that if there are gaps, we must leave. It is enough to question these shortcomings, and to recognize those which we had in front of our partner. Getting to take stock of the situation in order to be able to face it as a couple.

To make sense of this very pivotal period, it suffices to see the situation as a challenge and not as a difficult mountain to overcome Let us take the example of a video game or the Super Mario Bros. effect The hero must go through several obstacles in order to reach his ultimate quest. When we lose the game, we start over by learning from our mistakes, until we succeed in achieving our goal, because we see video games as a challenge to be met. This concept applies very well to couple relationships. Indeed, seeing marital difficulties as challenges to be overcome, makes it possible to give meaning to this difficult period and pushes individuals to make personal growth by facing long-standing personal insecurities. Taking stock of the situation to find out what caused the difficulty, promoting dialogue as a couple in order to find possible solutions to the difficulties, applying the techniques to overcome the difficulties are all steps to be taken in order to get out of this situation. hard time. Above all, we must not give up. After all, you are the very hero of your adventure!

Article writer on our lesexologue blog

– Audrey Labelle

Undergraduate student in sexology

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The relational “Ditch”

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