The good daughter turned 3 years old in December and I fear the worst after this post from our particular sexologist. But she still hasn’t asked me where babies come from or how her little sister got into my drum. While I think if it is better to tell her, when the time comes, that her little sister has come from Paris or that a stork brought her and that the hype was gases or a mirage, what if she has told me this Christmas every time she gave me “a little kiss ” is “Mom, people kiss each other like this…” and simulated passionate kisses in the air. After the initial laugh, the only thing that occurred to me to say was “yes, but that’s what grown-ups do, daughter, not children”… It’s clear that there will be more questions or compromising situations, but I’m sure Arancha will help us come out on top of them or at least try. I’ll leave you with her. Great post!
it’s sunday morning, embarrassingly soon, and you’re having breakfast with the good son. At that time of the morning, your brain can only spread the butter on the toast, but the good son already has his head working at 100%.
-Mom, how did the baby get into Aunt Andrea’s belly?
From the shock, the toast has fallen to the ground faithfully complying with Murphy’s law. As you bend down to pick it up with your eyes wide open, you think about possible answers. What did the good grandmother say to you on her day? The stork thing is ruled out, right?… Better some flowers and little bees…
What to do when they ask us a question of this type?
Questions usually appear after 3 years. And even if they are questions for which we know the answer, it makes us uneasy to explain it to our good children. And it is that the issues related to the sexes, that is, with men, women and the relationships established between them, move us, adults.
A typical piece of advice for discussing these issues with children is be natural. And it seems that the only way to be natural is not to blush and talk about loves, heartbreaks, attractions, touches, and (yes, also) penises and vaginas as if we were talking about the last toy they got or if they prefer to go to the park or watch a movie.
But to be natural is to be as it comes to you. Remember what happens when they are going to take a picture of you and they tell you: “don’t pose, be natural” (and you pay attention to them). Then when you see yourself, you’ve come out with your eyes half closed and your mouth wide open as if you were showing your wisdom teeth to the dentist.
Something similar happens when you are natural answering questions that make you uneasy: you feel embarrassed, you turn red, you stutter and you make sentences full of taglines (Well, the baby… ehh, he got in there like that, when he was little, that, yes, very small ). And nothing happens.
When we hesitate or hesitate to talk about something, we are teaching our good children that hesitation and hesitation should not be hidden. That everyone has it, even for different reasons, including them and us.
Other things to consider
If we lie to them sooner or later they will discover the truth and we will become an ‘unreliable’ source of information and therefore they will stop asking us. Good kids often have the ability to ask their questions at the most inopportune times and places, such as when we have good-grandma visiting or we’re on the packed bus on the way to school. If we tell them we’ll talk at another time and “that time” never comes, they will soon direct their questions to other people who are more willing to answer them.
The good son’s questions are not part of an exam to pass a subject. You can ‘not know’. We can answer what we know and tell them we don’t know more but we’re going to find out for them. Or go together to look for the information or the informant (the cool aunt, …).
Despite being bad mothers, there is no one in the world who loves our children more than we ourselves (or the good parents) and that is why it is not so much about giving the most correct data, but about attending to those who ask us, that you feel cared for, without reproaches or scandals.
What if they don’t ask?
I think that few good children are interested in traffic lights, however, as soon as they start walking, the bad mothers point them out to them, they explain what they are, how they work and what they are for. And this is because they do not wait for your questions, but take advantage of situations who appear on a day-to-day basis to teach them the things that they consider to be important.
In the same way, we can take advantage of circumstances close to us to tell them what seems important to us regarding sexuality. A neighbor’s pregnancy, a close couple’s divorce, a couple kissing in a park, a colleague who has two dads… we can take advantage of any of these things to tell them.
Talking about sex is not just talking about genitals and how they are used, about the diseases that can be transmitted through them or about unwanted pregnancies. It is also talking about identity, about what makes us men and women, in the unique, unrepeatable and valuable way that each man has of being a man and each woman of being a woman, of attractions, desires, relationships, loves, tastes, infatuations, affections, values, bodily changes, partner, children…
And you bad mothers, have you already seen yourself in this situation? how have you explained it to the good children?
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The questions of the good sons when they ask you
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