Here is the first text in a series of 3 articles on your sex life illustrated in the form of three metaphors. We will start with “The Sexual Pizza” and then move on to “The Tele-Erotic Show” then finally, slip into the “Water park of your sex life”.
We all hear about seduction. Here and there we convey the benefits of seduction on a couple, the tips to know how to keep the flame or even the difficulties encountered at the different stages of the life of a couple. With so much information on seduction, shouldn’t we be experts ?! Well no! We still have more to learn. For example, even knowing how to cook your meals, day after day, it is still possible not to succeed as usual or to have to go back to your books. What do you say?
Let’s briefly compare seduction to pizza. It is quite easy to make a small pizza, whether you know a lot about cooking or not. We can make a quick presto pizza with the ingredients in front of us. You can also try a brand new recipe! Sometimes we realize that it was worth it while at other times we will add small changes. You can take your time to cook a pizza, add an atmosphere and select ingredients that come out of the routine. In any case, whether we like it or not, if at first we don’t want a pizza, the idea of eating one with all that that involves cooking it will not be tempting. What if that was seduction too?
—You didn’t start riding a bike doing “Wheelies”. At first you had four wheels and you probably crashed a couple of times before you found your two-wheeled balance. Give yourself time and learn to live with failure! —–
One thing is certain, we are never experts in seduction. We still have more to learn, innovate and step out of our comfort zone. Of course, the everyday pace comes with its share of complexities to get there. And what about the impact of routine! Do you have the feeling of going around in circles with your partner or standing still? Where are you in your pizza creation? Do you want to? How do you put the table on your side? How do you sell your salad that, “tonight”, it will be a really good pizza?
I always miss my sex pizza, me!
Seduction may not really be your business. You have always been uncomfortable and clumsy. Maybe you “got off” a lot before and now your techniques don’t work anymore. This is precisely the problem. You may have seduced your better half or attracted it with your simple pizza: cheese, sauce and dough! Maybe it’s time to innovate, or even risk a new recipe. You shouldn’t become a killjoy if the first attempt doesn’t work. You didn’t start cycling doing “Wheelies”. You had four wheels at first and you probably crashed a couple of times before you found your two-wheeled balance. Give yourself time and learn to live with failure!
Poor quality of ingredients, poor sexuality!
You think it would be obvious, but in therapy, I regularly meet clients who seek to have a good regular sexuality without there being seduction. Well, it’s kind of the fault of sex therapists for saying that sexuality is natural for years. Small communication problem here. What we mean by natural is that sexuality is not bad (a sin). A lot of people have understood that it is so easy and spontaneous. ERROR! Sex takes effort.
A pizza with no crust or no cheese… is it really a “pizza”?
If you forget an ingredient as essential as the rind or the cheese, it is a little normal that you are disappointed with the result. The same goes for your sex life when it comes to seduction. No pizza dough, no sex! It’s simple, but how difficult to put it into practice as a couple. Why do you have to put in so much effort to have sex with your partner? Well then! Cause that’s life! Desire works that way. You can fight against the system or accept it. Know that many people have passed before you and not to seduce … it rarely gives good results.
If you forget to leave the oven (not to seduce or initiate) or that you put the temperature too high (initiate sex, but without seducing), it probably won’t be that succulent. Let’s talk about temperature precisely. If you’re going too fast, fiddling with a breast, or putting your hand in her panties as the first “move”, that’s the equivalent of putting your pizza on BROIL. If you cook your pizza at 200 Celcius for 5 hours and you never turn up the temperature, by the time it is cooked you might be hungry! The seduction is done in crescendo to build a sexual tension and atmosphere which intensifies.
If your ingredients are expired… you begin to understand the principle, I imagine. So, we retain:
- You have to seduce to have a GOOD sex life.
- Your “crust, cheese and sauce” pizza. You have to start adding other ingredients.
- You are uncomfortable or incompetent in seduction. Read books, watch videos, start therapy, work on your self-esteem and your sense of desirability.
- “I think I’m going to go make myself some pizza! Honey where are you? ”
Now, let’s talk about your erotic TV show: What’s going on in that 22 minutes without a commercial break? (Come on click… I know you want to click!)
Montreal psychotherapist sexologist
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The pizza, the TV show & the water park of your sex life le sexologue.ca
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