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The Kingdom of Love on the Isle of Cythera, Tristan Lhermitte, 1659.

We are in the 17th century, at the time of literary salons which advocated love in the feminine. And this love, which requires certain qualities, will find a representation in the form of a geography, today very well known: The Tender Cardoriginally “card of tender” when described by Madeleine de Scudéry in her novel Clélie, Roman History, in 1654. François Chauveau made the representation of it that we know (engraving below). Many satires and caricatures have been made of it, first of all in mockery of those who were called the Precious and that certain misogynists then described as “ridiculous”, such as for example the Abbé d’Aubignac with his Card of coquetry. More inventive and respectful, the Map of the Kingdom of Love in the Isle of Cythera (head illustration) by Tristan Lhermitte, published in 1659 in the Collection of the most pleasant prose pieces of this timeis a variation of this same question: how to go from inclination to love?

According to this geography, very close to the game of goose, we walk along a river, the river of inclination (the amorous inclination), from the village of The New Friendship to the city of The gratitude by successive villages with predestined names: sensitivity, eagerness, sincerity, generosity, big heart, kindness, tenderness, accuracy… All qualities still expected by women today – even if it’s a gendered statement! – to finally reach the places known as pretty verses and soft ticketavoiding the dangerous sea (Is there a wink at the mother?), the Uncharted Lands and the lake of indifference. The women’s salons of the 17th century will open the way to amorous freedom and a better understanding of intimate relationships.

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“Tender card” attributed to François Chauveau (1654)

A new card of tenderness has been imagined by two sexologists, Dominique Lefèvre and Gérard Tixier, for an understanding of sexual difficulties. This map of the territories of the libido, sex love card*offers two geographies according to gender: the female map is irrigated by the libido river which originates from Promontory of affective reassurance and at Self-esteem mount. It then crosses the Foreplay Loop and the vaginismus throats to jump into the archipelago of fantasies in the middle of Orgasmic surges. In the meantime, we will avoid the desert of abstinence and the Bras-dead of disenchantment.

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The island of letting go is an essential step for anxious subjects such as Lighthouse of the sexologist can be of precious help if you don’t understand anything about it!

The male card follows the same meanders but obliquely after the prostate cave to the Stampede Lake and the Cape of no return. The river Libido then crosses the waterfall of desire, along the Shores of Audacity to achieve, by coital arch, at Simultaneous orgasm Estuary. There is obviously an appeasement to sexual difficulties on theIsland of Affective Reassurance and to reassure the libido we will avoid Abyss of infidelity.

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An example of using the Sex Love Cards*, here in the case of the so frequent erectile dysfunction in men: “The loss of erection, the authors tell us, generates a cascade of fears of losing. The loss of confidence and virility is followed by the fear of rejection and a breakup. The dissatisfaction expressed or not by the partner will accentuate this loss of self-esteem. The sexology consultation is necessary in order to relativize the psychological damage and limit the relational repercussions. The diagnosis of erectile disorders from the cartography then requires measuring the “depth” of the ” Stampede Lake » or the timing of the « Early Geyser “… we will thus be able to find a certain tranquility by still approaching “ the island of affective reassurance » or obviously « the Peninsula of letting go because these are the main components of male disorders.

These cards, which can both be relational tools for the general practitioner in particular… allowing them to speak freely and simply about sexual difficulties with the patient, can also help a couple to perceive the complexity of love and overcome marital sexual difficulties. . The game is then a tool for de-dramatizing sexuality that can be understood while having fun.

Dominique Lefèvre is a psychologist, therapist, sexologist and doctor of health law. Gérard Tixier is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and sex therapist. They use the sex love cards* in their sexological exercise.

This blog note is coupled with a column of the same title every Friday on Brigitte Lahaie’s show on Sud Radio, from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.

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* sex love Cards by Dominique Lefèvre and Gérard Tixier, Éditions Complicité.

We would like to say thanks to the author of this article for this outstanding material

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