The lies about motherhood and how they affect us

Let’s talk about the lies about motherhood. Specifically, if are creating false expectations about motherhood. This reflection made me Silvia C. Carpallo, for the elaboration of his article for S. Moda, in which I was lucky to collaborate, and the truth is that interesting reflections came out that I want to share with you.

When you are a mother you realize that there are many things that you had not been told. The same goes for parenting. But today it is a topic on the rise, because the vision provided by social networks often collides with reality. We create expectations regarding motherhood, based on what we see on the networks, or friends and acquaintances tell us, which later, when they are not fulfilled, generate sfeelings of guilt and sadness.

In Social Networks the vision of motherhood is somewhat idyllic and unreal. On our Instagram account, we rarely post an ugly plate, a boring hangout, or an afternoon locked in the office. On the contrary: everything is abundance, happiness, smiles and showing how well we are. Motherhood does not escape this. Perfect photos of smiling faces (without the dark circles from not sleeping in months), cute clothes (without food scraps, snot, or who knows what …), perfect families (no sign of the damage they cause in the relationship, the fatigue and the extreme situations to which motherhood / fatherhood sometimes takes you).

Let’s dismantle the lies about motherhood once and for all: Being a father / mother is precious but it is also, among other things: a fatigue that seems like a torture from Guantánamo; be unhinged and changeable; feeling like you’re not doing it right 24/7; pain when giving the dog; pain when not breastfeeding; not having time for yourself in weeks, months or even years; forget about intimacy, romantic dinners, and being the other person’s priority (at least for a while); of course tell him Hello, beautiful Hello Hello to your sex life; And we repeat: this is only “among other things.”

I think our role is to show that there is no single reality, nor a single model of being a mother or father. That there are as many as there are mothers and fathers, and that Social Networks show a very very very limited truth. Furthermore, as a psychologist, this exposure to this exemplary motherhood / fatherhood causes frustration and sadness. At a time when you are also very vulnerable: your life has just completely changed, you are (in the case of the mother) full of hormones, and you usually feel that what you are experiencing has only happened to you.

You inevitably have that “they haven’t told me this” feeling. And in a certain part it is true: motherhood and fatherhood are idealized. Not only in Social Networks, but also in our society. But the message is clear: you are not alone, nor alone. Probably every parent in the world has felt like you at some point (if not worse).

Because, items like this In which they talk about lies about motherhood, they are sooo necessary:

The lies about motherhood and how they affect us

If you see that the situation is over you, that you are not recovering emotionally or that your relationship is starting to break down, ask for help. Talk to your people, your family … speak openly, no one is going to judge you. And if they do, stop talking to that person and look for another reference.

And if you still need psychological help from a professional, I am here for what you need.

We would like to thank the author of this article for this incredible material

The lies about motherhood and how they affect us

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Catherine Coaches