The couple in time of Coronavirus – Nayara Mira | Sexologist in Valencia

The couple in time of coronavirus are experiencing critical moments with the amount of negative messages that arrive from China. In this situation of uncertainty that we have had to live since the state of alarm on March 13, 2020, and that keeps us in confinement 24 hours in our homes, leads us to consider our family and couple life.

Not all people are going through it the same way. And likewise, not all people are confined. The vast majority yes, but there are those who must go to their jobs because they are considered essential.

What happens to couples in confinement?

If we look at the data from China, it is said by the press that divorces have increased because of confinement at home. After passing the quarantine, many couples have broken up since the coexistence has been unbearable. Do youDo you think it will also happen here in Spain?

I would like to clarify two important things:

  1. Chinese culture is not the same as Spanish culture. Chinese society still exerts a lot of pressure to have a partner and build a family. Perhaps many of the couples who have broken up were already broken from the beginning. Because there had never been love. We would have to study the cases well one by one to be able to affirm with objective data.
  2. And second, in the hypothetical case that the same thing happened as in China, that divorces increased in Spain, the main cause would not be confinement. In case something is to blame. In reality, a couple in trouble, with this confinement, will magnify themselves. If there was no good emotional management before the state of alarm was decreed, even less in a confinement situation.

And on the contrary, if a couple is in good health (couple’s health), there is good emotional and communicative management, the couple will be revitalized with confinement.

Love as a source of Health in the couple

It seems important to remember that the couple is built on the basis of love. Or at least, that is our ideal. Not all people conceive of love in the same way, and yet the Love It must be nurtured by three basic pillars:


Without these three fundamental pillars, I highly doubt that there will be love. It would, of course, include, within these three concepts, the privacy, the erotica and the commitment. According Stenberg, who theorized the idea of ​​COUPLE LOVE, choosing your partner should not be a need, but one choice. Therefore, in this time of confinement, being together should SUMMER and not SUBTRACT.

There are many ways to live as a couple as there are couples. And I sense that this confinement that we have had to live due to the crisis of the COVID-19, is offering us the opportunity to communicate calmly, without the rush of day to day, fall asleep on the sofa after a stressful day at work or by always running with the thousands of occupations we have, stopping TO MEET to our partner. Imagine then those couples where the crisis has caught them separated! Many of them convey to me that I wish they could be together. Do youHow unfair this is true?

This situation can give us the opportunity to train our PRESENCE. A presence that was conspicuous by its absence when we imposed an overactive agenda every day. Many of the couples who go to therapy, complain precisely about this: feeling a nurturing emptiness that provides mindfulness and the presence of love.

These days, perhaps, there are couples who return to return to those looks, those interesting conversations about life, about the future, touching each other again without the schedule imposed on their heads, … perhaps …

Of course not all vital circumstances are satisfactory. Data is being seen in the press as the confinement is taking its toll on the most vulnerable. A couple or family without income makes well-being very difficult. And much more, having the ability to remain calm and anxious in this critical situation.

That is why I insist so much on love and the pillars that keep it alive. Good emotional management implies maturity. Emotional maturity can be learned and consists of the ability to find the balance between what you think, you say Y you do. If a person acts in congruence, he will be able to make decisions that favor him to maintain emotional harmony.

The negative consequences of this confinement are well known. The press is in charge of reminding us every day of the negative aspects of being together for 24 hours. Everything will depend on how adults manage their emotions and educate the little ones in harmony (if there are children at home).

Is it possible to benefit as a couple with this confinement?

Let’s take some examples:

  • WEATHER: So scarce a month ago. With hyper-packed agendas. Many couples express to me that they are living more calmly and that the time they longed to spend so much together, now they enjoy it 300%. It is obvious that those couples who no longer enjoyed spending time together, confinement can work miracles. Although who knows. Perhaps the problem was the way of life they led. It is a good time to reflect on our life and if we really are where we want to be.
  • PRIVACY: Intimacy is correlative to time. The more time together, the more intimacy. That’s how it is. Intimacy implies: complicity, communication, discussions, routines, housework, … If the couple sees themselves as a team, it will be difficult for coexistence in confinement to be complicated, since they will be able to negotiate, manage with harmony and good I deal with differences of opinion; providing space to express feelings and thus be able empathize with each other.
  • EROTICA: When there is time, intimacy and good understanding in the couple, there is a great possibility of maintaining the spark again. The desire for the game and passion. For example, I have a partner in consultation, who just for the simple fact of exercising together and that she wears tight leggings and he weights without a shirt, have awakened their fantasies causing in them a wave of passion that they had been without for years. to experience. Of course, if they each went to the gym on their own, with different schedules, they never coincided. And they have found that exercising together now motivates them more.

In fact, thinking about changing their schedules to do it, seemed to me a very clear example of how this confinement is helping many couples to change their modus operandi. And be aware that without proper attention, couples wear out or deflate with illusion.

In conclusion, add that looking at other countries on the subject of couples, it may be an excuse not to see our own shit. If we are able to see opportunities to emerge stronger from it, it is better to start making decisions now. Because a crisis entails loss, yes. And a break from what we understood as normal.

And yet it is a very good opportunity to reflect and become aware of which path to choose from now on.

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The couple in time of Coronavirus – Nayara Mira | Sexologist in Valencia

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