The 7 secrets of a fulfilling sex life in your relationship

SEXUALITY – It is rare to associate a long-lasting relationship with a phenomenal understanding under the covers. Yet, many couples have discovered how to spice up their sex life, even after several years of being together.

What are they doing differently? Sex therapists share seven couples’ habits, including sex life is the most fulfilled.

1. They let the excitement build, even when sex is not on the menu

Savoring the slow rise in desire – flirting or teasing in public when you can’t do anything sexually explicit – is a trait shared by most couples with hot sex lives, says New York sex therapist Stephen Snyder. , author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.

“For very passionate couples, sex is just the tip of the iceberg. They like to feel aroused together even though it is not possible to have sex or an orgasm.”

Obviously, Snyder says it can be a little frustrating, but being titillated and letting the excitement build can lead to very intense and satisfying sex when the time is right.

2. They get a little more naughty every year

Couples with a great sex life always go the extra mile when it comes to sex. Whether it’s adding a grapefruit to the equation or trying a more extravagant position, they’re looking for the novelty and the unexplored, says Celeste Hirschman, sex therapist and author, with colleague Danielle Harel, of Make Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion.

She adds: “One of the couples we worked with said ‘every year we get a little bit more naughty. That’s the idea. For a fulfilling sex life over the long term, you have to accept to be get creative and get out of the way. Have daring conversations. Try new experiences. Do whatever it takes to bring the unexpected and lightness to bed, and your sex life will remain exciting long after other people’s will be extinct. “

3. They take care of themselves

These couples have understood that confidence is essential to their desire. However, they do not necessarily attend daily spin classes and are not spared by being overweight. They exude a confidence and an inherent sensuality richer and more global than that, reveals Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of the Passion Project: A Couples’ Blueprint to Rediscovering Desire and Reigniting the Spark.

“Great sex isn’t just the result of your relationship with your partner. It also stems from the relationship with yourself,” she says. “You need to take care of yourself, perhaps by treating your body the way it deserves, overcoming the shame or guilt associated with sex, or by developing new skills like enjoyment or endurance in bed.”

4. They laugh in the bedroom and outside.

Sex is not always synonymous with sensuality, seduction or passion. Ridiculous things happen when two bodies meet, not to mention the weird noises. According to Kimberly Resnick Anderson, sexologist and assistant professor of psychiatry at UCLA’s medical school, couples with great sex lives accept embarrassing moments and laugh at them.

“Humor is a great aphrodisiac,” she suggests. “Laugh during sex. Couples who know how to relax and see sex as a fun, temporary escape are more satisfied than those who can’t let go of everyday stress, anger, or resentment.”

5. They masturbate pendant intercourse

Here’s a little secret: masturbating is a lot more fun when you’re not doing it alone. In addition, this is the opportunity for your partner to attend a private lesson on the best ways to satisfy you, says Shannon Chavez, psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles.

According to her, “Couples who masturbate together stay together. Show your partner how you touch your body; it teaches them about the ways you want to experience pleasure. You have control over your own desires and allow your partner to participate in your pleasure. “

6. They explore their fantasies

Sex columnist Dan Savage says the best partners are “good, generous, and playful” (the three G’s in English: good, generous and game). In other words, they’re good in bed (thanks to a lot of practice), they’re generous, and they’re willing to try whatever pleases their partner, within reason.

The three G’s are especially important in long and lasting relationships, because things can quickly stagnate when it comes to sex, continues Celeste Hirschman.

“Long-term couples whose sex life is the most fulfilling know that each has their own fantasies,” she says. “They have discovered their partner’s innermost desires and want to step out of their comfort zone to give him or her what he or she really wants.”

7. They kiss and touch each other throughout the day, just to show that they love each other.

A playful pat on the butt or a kiss before going to work matters more than you might think. Paying special attention to physical contact outside of sex time is a great way to remind your partner that you are satisfied and still very attracted, explains Shannon Chavez.

“When we touch each other, we feel more united,” she concludes. “It shows that you want to be close to each other. Clearly, people who caress, hold hands, kiss, massage and touch each other in general without waiting for sex are usually couples. more relaxed, excited and sensually close. “

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The 7 secrets of a fulfilling sex life in your relationship

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Catherine Coaches