There is no secret formula for Couples or Sexual Therapy to work. But as we said in previous posts, there are things that clearly help couples or sexual therapy to take effect. The same thing happens the other way around: there are things that harm Therapy and in this post I will tell you what they are:
1. Thinking that therapy sessions cure everything
Many patients believe that with the hour of weekly session, the sexual or couple problem is going to be solved. And I wish it were like that, but the reality is different: in the sessions the person/couple is supervised, evaluated, and given therapy to correct aspects of their day-to-day life. But the work outside the sessions is 50% of the therapy. Therapy works best when we have time in sessions to supervise and correct “exercises” that I give my patients.
2. Little pretends have short legs (and they don’t help!)
Sometimes patients say that they have done the exercises when they haven’t, and although I don’t have a crystal ball like Esperanza Gracia, the truth is that I usually notice when it’s not true.
Lack of time and laziness are usually the main reasons, but a patient has to be aware of the importance and effectiveness of doing homework. I usually put a lot of emphasis on this when sending the exercises, since the progress in therapy depends, and a lot, on them, on their evaluation and supervision.
3. Run, run, tomorrow we have Couples/Sexual Therapy.
A classic, the “stay up until 5 in the morning studying for the next day’s exam” of a lifetime. In therapy it would be waiting until the last day to do the exercises. And what they don’t know is that this is counterproductive, because the exercises help therapy a lot, but they require time and dedication. Doing it quickly and running so that Ana doesn’t “scold” you is not as productive.
As I have said in other posts, I do not want to be the typical math teacher who scolds for not doing homework, but one thing is clear: if the exercises are done, the therapy has infinitely more possibilities to work.
4. One session every 2 weeks…
It is recommended to go to therapy every week. It is proven that going every week is much more effective than every two weeks, and therefore the therapy ends earlier. Every week it makes people not disconnect from therapy and keep working on it. While every 15 days, there is more relaxation and the truth is that effectiveness is lost.
Many patients prefer to come every 15 days, even every month, sometimes due to economic difficulties (in this case it is understandable), and others out of preference. But my recommendation as a professional is that one therapy a week is ideal, better and faster results are obtained, so it is even more convenient economically. By getting results faster, fewer sessions are needed.
5. I see results… Goodbye Couples/Sex Therapy!
«I finally enjoy my sexual relations«. THE “I finally feel things for my partner again«. After hard work, the patient or the couple experiences improvements, and this is where many believe that the problem is already solved and discharge themselves.
It’s a mistake. Therapy needs your time and work. Improvement is an indication that things are going well and on the right track. But during the Therapy you experience ups and downs. It is a big mistake to abandon it because you interpret an improvement as “I am/we are fine”. Because it is very possible that there will be a drop, and that is when many return, or when they believe that they have returned to the situation that made them go to therapy. Surely they have already traveled a long way, but it is true that they have not reached the goal. That can only be ruled by the professional who directs the Therapy, and abandoning it before time can be very counterproductive..
It is my job to warn you of all this, to be with you to congratulate you on the “ups”, and to help manage “the downs”.
*let’s get comfortable and let yourself be guided by the professional, pay attention to what he tells you, recommends and proposes. Work out of session and you will see the results sooner. If you have taken the step of going to therapy, which is the most difficult, you just have to keep going and working until you are discharged.
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The 5 most common mistakes that occur in Sexual and Couple Therapy
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