Arola Poch is a psychologist and sexologist and our guest today on the blog to talk about how to educate good sons and good daughters in sexuality. She introduces herself like this: “I dedicate myself to my great passion, outreach and education in sexuality. I do it from a rigorous, healthy and positive perspective. I give workshops and talks, I advise families, I write articles and I am a contributor to Radio Nacional de España. I have recently posted “Clear things”, a book where I break myths and prejudices, while transmitting a responsible and conscious sexuality ”. We leave you with her.
“That day one day will come, it will not be early or late,” Mecano sang. The Madrid group was referring to the moment when they stopped being successful, but for Malasmadres it is something more mundane. The time when good sons and good kisses face sex. Although they will always be our boys and girls, our little ones, that day will come.
And it will come sooner rather than later because contact with sexual content occurs earlier each time. You may have recently read about a study by the University of the Balearic Islands that indicates that “one in four men started consuming pornographic content on the Internet before the age of 13 and the first access is ahead of 8 years, mainly due to the “familiarity” with the screens and the easy access to mobile technology ”. Although it is not necessary for us to talk about adult videos, sex is present all around us (series, movies, advertising…).
The good news is that these contents that surround us (I’m not talking about porn, but about the usual contents) give us great excuses to talk about it with our children. And how do we talk about sex with them? Many of us have not received sex education, either in school or in the family, and sex can be a complicated subject. So, starting from our particularities and always from the comfort of each one, we comment on some keys for the sexuality education of good children.
- You have to talk to them since we were kids. There is no recommended age to start and you don’t have to wait until they are teenagers. You have to talk to them, always adapting to their level and needs, from the moment they have the first questions.
- Treat it as one more topic. We know that there are issues that our sons and daughters should know and we talk about them at home as many times as necessary. Well, sex is one of these issues. It must not take up more or less space, but it must also be present in conversations.
- Always reply to the questions they ask us because if we don’t we are transferring the idea that this is not being talked about. And if it is not spoken at home, they will look for the information in sources that may not be reliable.
- If they don’t ask, Get the topic. As we have already seen, sex is a subject to be aware of. The son or daughter who does not ask also has a need for information. So let’s take an excuse to take the opportunity on the fly and talk about it.
- Move a positive view. Sex has traditionally been seen as dangerous. And it is true that sex has risks, like almost everything in this life. But we must change the chip and for a healthy experience we must speak to them from the positive, removing prejudices. Of course, without forgetting the risks, but we must not stay alone in that.
- From the positive, sex is not something to forbid. This is valid for young children (if we see that their genitals are touched, it should not be said that this is not done but teach them that it is something intimate) and for older ones. In adolescents there are things that concern us more, but would it help, for example, to prohibit them from doing sexting (sending erotic content through mobile phones)? I think the strategy has to be different. In my youth sex ed book “Clear things” I encourage you to reflect, value and be aware and responsible.
- You don’t have to know everything. You do not have to have the answer at the moment. It is perfectly valid that if our son asks us “what is cisexuality?”, He catches us out of the game. Well, we tell him that we are going to look at it and we answer him. Or we search and discuss the information together.
- Don’t force the conversation. When children enter adolescence, they may not want to talk about sex with us. Either out of modesty or because they think “what is my mother going to know about this”. And it may come together with a time when we especially want to know if children are responsible. But forcing questions, pressuring them to answer us is not going to do any good.
- Yes launch messages. But if they don’t want to talk, we can verbalize the ideas that we want to convey to them. For example, if we are watching a series and there is a bed scene, we can say “well they are not using a condom and they should”. In this way they hear our message and notice that we are willing to talk about sexuality.
- The most important thing is the attitude. The best key of all is to show a positive attitude, of listening, of availability to deal with the subject, of not judging. This is how we convey to them the idea that we are there, too, to talk about sex.
That day one day will come and with a good sexual education the good sons will be more prepared and the bad mothers, calmer.
We already have the winner of the book by Arola Poch
Julia with comment number 8 has taken the copy.
Thank you all for participating!
We would like to give thanks to the author of this article for this remarkable content
Ten keys in sexuality education with good children – Club de MALASMADRES
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