Sexual problems that break up partners they shouldn’t happen. It is true that any problem can be aggravated if it is not addressed. Today I wanted to talk about it by presenting three real cases attended in my practice as a specialist in Sexology and Couples Therapy. I take this opportunity to share some tips to prevent this from happening and to be able to heal ourselves in health.
1. Sexual problems that break up partners: the taboo of sex
No couple should break up over a sexual problem, it is something absurd and disproportionate because sexual problems are solved with specialized help. It is curious that I am often asked, before a first date, if there really are effective solutions for women. sexual dysfunctions. Of course the answer is yes and hopeful.
In the cases that we are going to see there were severe relationship crisis. Caused by a sexual problem not understood and not taken care of for too long. The lack of information led to excessively delaying the time to seek help. The taboo that weighs on sexuality makes dialogue difficult as a couple when there is a difficulty in sexual relations. Not talking means that confusion and misunderstandings will grow. And that does not help to improve in any case.
When a sexual problem happens and you do not talk with your partner grow the “Ghosts”. What i call “Ghosts” They are false explanations that only make the situation worse and that we must eliminate through dialogue. For example a man who has had an episode of erection failure and fears that it will happen again. Fear leads her to avoid a new sexual relationship and her partner, who knows nothing, may think that she is not attractive and that is why he avoids her. Therefore, the first advice is to dare to speak up and acknowledge the problem.
2. Sexual problems can be chained
One unresolved sexual problem can lead to another. This is very common. For example premature ejaculation Repeated nerves can lead to an episode of loss of erection. This is very common. And when you go from bad to worse, you start to want less and your sexual desire can be affected and the frequency of intercourse decreases. Or go straight to complete sexual blockage.
The taboo that weighs on sexuality makes dialogue difficult as a couple when there is a difficulty in sexual relations.
In many other cases, the couple go ahead because they love each other but drag the unsolved sexual problem. Or they settle for living an impoverished or very limited sexuality. A sexual problem always leads to a cooling of libido and sexual appetite. Fears and fear of repeating a frustrating sexual relationship causes it to be avoided and a worrying vicious cycle begins. This is called performance anxiety. And anxiety, along with stress and fatigue, are the biggest enemies of sexual desire.
Even in cases where there may be a physical cause or illness that makes sex difficult, the ability to feel and share pleasure remains intact and sex therapy it can protect your partner from such difficult situations.
3. Sexual problems that break up partners due to sexism
Maria’s case (fictitious name), a 25 year old girl abandoned by her boyfriend because she had no orgasm. The fact that she did not reach her orgasm made her boyfriend not feel “Man enough”. It’s a case of role confusion perhaps due to the youth and inexperience of both with little more than 20 years each. They reached a dead end: inexperience joined together with anxiety about not achieving orgasm and sexist prejudice that says that it is the man who has to know how to give pleasure to the woman.
A host of circumstances blocked them and led them to break up. She, after her individual sexual therapy and after having discovered the way to reach your orgasm She did not want to go back to him because of his cruel attitude of blaming her and abandoning her for this reason. She also discovered that she did not want a relationship with someone who would leave her when a problem occurred.
Gender roles, especially in heterosexual couples, continue to cause confusion and disagreements. It is time to abandon prejudices that continue to place women in passive roles and men in the position of experts. In any case, each person knows what they like and the peculiar way of living and expressing their sexuality.
4. Lifetime sexual problems
Alberto’s case (fictitious name) is that of a man over 50 years old with a marriage of almost 30 and whose partner breaks up because of his premature ejaculation problem. They dragged more than 3 decades a sexual problem that is solvable in 3 months.
This couple could not enjoy their sexual relations with quality because the man reached the point of his ejaculation in just a few seconds after penetration. Frustration mounted and the man’s refusal to ask for help along with his persistence in not acknowledging the problem brought them to an unsustainable point.
It still amazes me that men take much longer to find solutions that the women. Especially when there is a problem in the area of sexuality that is our Achilles heel. Many men feel their masculinity threatened and their self-esteem suffers because of it. And they crash like a computer. Sexology is the “Reset button” of the system thanks to the resources of sex therapy.
They dragged more than 3 decades a sexual problem that is solvable in 3 months.
Sexual problems are always a problem of two. Clear improvement usually occurs within two to three months of therapy. When the time for try to fix it on your own and you no longer know what to do, it is time to ask for specialized help.
5. Sexual problems and parenthood
Isabel’s case (fictitious name), a 37-year-old woman, with a problem of vaginismus or impediment to achieve intercourse or penetration. He also goes to the consultation after a breakdown of the marriage after many years of suffering for not being able to have intercourse together. The physical pain in the vagina and some incorrect advice from unqualified specialists caused them to enter a dissatisfaction loop until they lost their desire.
The time has come to want to be parents They tried again and, in this case, sexuality was blocked by the anxiety of not being able to achieve it. It did not occur to any of them to ask for sexological help until it was too late.
I have helped many couples at this critical time in their lives where penetration is not possible and the desire to be parents arrives. It is a delicate moment because sex begins to be considered as a task or an obligation and ends up killing the desire and the sense of playfulness and enjoyment.
It is also true that the fact of being parents for the first time means a challenge to the stability of the couple. We went from being two to being three and parenting absorbs all available time and energy.
In summary, we can make the following points:
- The taboo of sex still has the effect of think that there are no solutionss and that these things are not fixed. This leads to waiting too long without asking for help.
- Sexual shame it also greatly delays the step of calling a sexology professional and asking for help. This causes the sexual problems to be chained and new ones arise.
- When there is no communication ghosts grow and the problems get complicated. Communication and dialogue are important to improve.
- It is much more difficult for men to recognize that they have a problem, especially with their own sexuality.
- Sexual problems have a solution going to the appropriate specialist. Do not hesitate and avoid suffering unnecessarily if something does not go well in this important part of the person, the couple and life.
Sexual problems that break up partners It was written providing 3 clinical cases with figurative names to safeguard anonymity and strict confidentiality. They are offered as examples for other people going through similar situations and allow to learn from the experience of others and in a constructive way.
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Sexual problems that break up partners: 5 tips
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