Sex for women Vs sex for men. Differences and how to survive them.

In couples therapy sessions we talk a lot about what sex is for women and what for men. Women and men are different in many things, and sex is no exception. We look for different things and we understand pleasure in a different way. In this post we will delve into these differences, but EYE: This topic is very old and things have changed a lot, today we are going to address the topic from an anthropological point of view, and focusing on long-term relationships. Let us always keep in mind that we are generalizing and therefore there will always be thousands of exceptions.

“The topic is very old. I already talked about him on my show with this nice microphone»

Men need more sex than women

We are talking about a physical issue, a relief, needing to download the generated sperm. Male sexual desire is born from a need for physical liberation, and from wanting to feel the pleasure of an orgasm. She also seeks closeness with her partner and the emotional intimacy that is generated, but – and generalizing – physical need moves them more.

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For women it is obvious that the physical and enjoyment part is there, but the main reason for needing/seeking sex in their relationships is usually the emotional charge. They seek to enjoy a complete experience, which includes great emotional enjoyment (connection with their partner, feeling desired, dedication…), and also physical enjoyment (orgasm).

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«Yeeeeeeeeeesssss!!»

A woman needs more than an orgasm to enjoy sexual intercourse.

As we have seen, men during sex focus a lot on genital stimulation to have an orgasm, while women are more attracted by the emotional connection with their partner. On many occasions they do not find it (because their partner has focused more on achieving orgasm), and this means that do not feel completely satisfied, despite having achieved an orgasm.

In fact, when the woman does feel that dedication on the part of her partner, she feels unique and desired, she gets more excited and it is easier to reach orgasm. Whereas men, although this also makes them feel better and they seek to have it, they don’t really need it to have an orgasm and feel satisfied.

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They are turned on by the sight. They for the emotional

Many studies have said that a man’s arousal is triggered by what he sees (a woman in a miniskirt, for example). While the woman was aroused by emotional stimulation (by what she felt), and to a lesser extent also by touch and smell.

Another widely held theory was that “the desire for possession” motivated men much more than women. The excitement of conquering and “possessing her object of desire” aroused the man’s sexual appetite, while the woman needed to feel emotionally and physically attracted to the man.

I honestly think all this has changed. A recent study shows that both men and women are aroused with almost the same speed (differences of seconds), with visual stimuli. Which destroys all of the above.

I believe that women have indeed needed more inputs to become sexually aroused than men, but this answers all the demands and limitations with which he lived his sexuality. He looked for reasons beyond mere sexual attraction, such as “admiring and respecting the man to desire him” (as many studies said), to justify a sexual encounter. Not now, because she doesn’t feel bad or guilty about sexually desiring a man she just met, or saw. It does not limit that initial desire, nor does it look for more reasons. The woman no longer needs an emotional justification to punctually desire a man (or a woman).

They step by step. They jump.

We have said before that for men, pleasure is based on the release of sexual tension, while for women, their pleasure lies in the accumulation of sexual tension, which goes from less to more, growing gradually.

This is what makes men -as a general rule- look for faster sex, that is more direct to the point (as they would say Dangerous Friendships), Y women prefer to go step by step, gradually increasing the intensity.

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Where do these differences come from?

Psychologist Marita McCabe from Deakin University (USA) states that the reason why the female gender is more attracted to love foreplay and the emotional connection with the couple during intercourse comes from the laws of conservation of the species: the females needed a strong bond with the male to ensure that he would take care of her and her children. The man can father a child every time he has sexual intercourse, while the woman can only generate a new life at least every two years, so the female had to choose well who she had sex with.

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Danger: unsatisfied partner = couple in difficulty

Let’s recap: they seek affection and emotional connection, so do they, but it is not the main reason. It may happen that for them it is not so important, sometimes don’t pay enough attention. And therefore they feel that something is missing and sometimes this causes them not to reach orgasm. The result is unsatisfactory sexual relations, which make us stop looking for them: we don’t end up liking them and therefore we don’t feel like it. It is here that sexual desire drops, and sexual laziness appears.

If this situation continues over time, it can become a couple problem. This is very common in long-term relationships and relationships where sexual communication is poor or misleading.

Solution: Communication is the key to a good sexual relationship

Once again, communication is the key to making sure we feel sexually satisfied. And we have seen that there are different priorities and needs, but these can be perfectly compatible with each other. If we communicate, if we make it clear to our partner what and how we feel pleasure, and at the same time we listen to what their needs are, we can find that middle ground. You can’t blame him for “not giving you what you need” if you’ve never let him know.

Let’s overcome the shame and fear when talking about the subject. Only in this way will we ensure that both parties fully enjoy sex, and this will strengthen your relationship and increase your desire to have sex. Everybody wins!

1649250396 242 Sex for women Vs sex for men Differences and howThese communicate perfectly, and look at them, so happy


*let’s get comfortable and let’s keep in mind that our needs when having sex are different, but they are totally compatible. So if you need something more than an orgasm, take it and tell him, sexual communication and in general with our partner, is essential to understand each other and to be able to grow together as a couple and in the relationship.

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Sex for women Vs sex for men. Differences and how to survive them.


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