Author: Estefanía SÁEZ.
To begin directly and clearly, we could enter the debate on the pornographic content, the scandal that these suggest to us how the centrality of sexuality is in what is genital, the intercourse as the only element of reference, the numbers inordinate in time and measure, the lack of equality and respect between men and women, aesthetics and stereotypes sexual of submission and dominance they generate, the use of the woman’s body as a object, the frivolization risk practices … We could extend this paragraph to the end of the post.
But, as always, we are writing this to help and not to scare you. To start from the reality that exists and adapt to it, and not only to passively regret its existence.
What can we suggest to families to “guide” their sons and daughters in the face of the inevitable presence of pornography?
When those of us who are parents today think about access to pornography in our adolescence, the memories come to mind. encoded movies Canal + or those furtive magazines, the semi-hidden section in the videoclub…
The Technological Revolution, the expansion of the internet and social networks have meant a big change in new porn. Its easy access together with the sexual curiosity typical of adolescence, have generated a new reality, which should not be neglected because it is silent.
The families and even the young people themselves speak very little on the subject; but recent studies force us to take care of it, since not doing so would imply a lack of scientific, preventive and educational rigor.
This new reality, responsibly forces us to leave the “comfort zone” and fully enter into a conscious and continuous approach to the issue.
There are studies that show data that must be taken into account, both by families and by other educational agents. Specifically we will refer to this: Study of the new pornography and sexual relationship in young people. Lluis Ballester Brage, Carmen Orte Socías, Rosario Pozo Gordaliza. 2014.
Following the cited study, we are going to show just some data:
- The 92.3% of young people from 16 to 22 years old, access pornography through the Internet. This data is obtained from the sum of young people who do it “several times a week” (53.8%) or “daily” (38.5%), we have not included data on “occasional” consumption (7.7 %).
- And analyzing these data by sex, in young people aged 16 to 29, the data indicates the following: 90.5% of males access pornography and a 50% women. Giving a mean access to pornography through the internet of the 73%.
Faced with this reality, we have 2 options: to think that our son, and by extension his environment of friends, is part of that 27% who do not access pornography through the internet … or, assume that the influence of pornography is a reality in today’s young people, including our son, although this situation is silenced.
Returning to the spirit of this blog, which we already made clear at the beginning: we want to help and not scare; What really seems important to us, and that young people often do not perceive, is that pornography is a science fiction of sexual intercourse.
The risk is to bring this science fiction, typical of the field of fantasy, special effects, magic, exaggeration, virtual worlds … to reality. The expectations generated are in every point unreal, with models impossible to fulfill … Which will inevitably lead to high degrees of frustration in our sons and daughters, if not we make them critical people with realistic expectations (real is the reverse of fiction).
In this sense, reality is stubborn, and our day to day in the classroom shows us this. On a regular basis, our young people base their arguments and reflections on information and content from a pornographic field (“Well, I saw a video, .. in a movie that they played me, I found out …”)
The great risk is that our children take pornography as significant and central source of their Affective and Sexual Education, transferring these contents to their daily reality and that they become the objective or the reference to reach.
The easy access to pornography, together with the lack of sexual dialogue in the family and at school, leads these young people to a silent and hidden experience of this reality.
The current fathers and mothers: we grew up and believed above all, with what they told us and we lived in the first person. Our children are the generation of the image and the virtual: what is seen on a screen is what exists. Let’s think about how his life is limited to the virtual sphere: selfies, likes on social media, number of followers …
We propose to confront this “pornography” with a daily work in:
- Sexual dialogue, if you can, if not, constant opinion in the presence of our sons and daughters.
- Reflect on the importance of respect for wishes individual, to the personal characteristics of each person.
- Understand sexuality as a mode of selfsocialization, from affected and not so much of achievements and results to treasure.
Pornography will be dangerous if the family does not intervene. The values and ethical standards that each father and mother have, will always be a reference to help, to counterbalance what their children perceive.
It is not about alarming, or demonizing new technologies, or social advances … Quite the contrary: this new generation has possibilities never dreamed of and we are happy about it.
We must be aware that on many occasions the messages that we give them from the family and the educational centers collide head-on with those they receive from the virtual sphere; and we cannot ignore the great power that they exert constantly and permanently. But any collision, somehow slows the impact of the forces that interact. Leaving them without “confronting” will make your journey much longer.
We can be calm when our children are at home, sitting on the sofa or lying on their bed … but if they have a Smartphone in their hands, we must assume that they are open to the world, with all the consequences and implications that this implies, good and not so much. The family should tutor and supervise, as far as possible, the use of these new communication resources, through which our children communicate and receive more information than we think.
It’s not about censoring or banning. Experience tells us that this has never worked. It is about helping them and teach them to reflect, to collaborate in their growth by differentiating fiction from reality, fantasies from behaviors, the real from the fictitious. In a word, to help and facilitate healthy growth in the moment and with the resources that are available to them today.
Let us take the pulse of the new times, and assume that a good Affective Sexual Education from childhood he will mark the path of success.
We want to give thanks to the writer of this article for this amazing content
PORNOGRAPHY and our sons and daughters. | Amalthea Blog
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