Open torque…a misstep?

Mentalities evolve and, with them, the configurations of the couple. Although for a majority the traditional monogamous duo remains the sacrosanct pattern of the couple, a newcomer is beginning to make its nest in our Western societies and to interfere in our love routine. Her name ? The open relationship or open couple. For those of you hearing about it for the first time, it’s about a romantic relationship in which sexual and/or romantic exclusivity no longer has its place: everyone is free to dispose of their body as they see fit, to indulge in adventures of one evening or more, without the durability of their couple being called into question. Some will cry scandal and decadence, others will rejoice in this evolution of morals. A solution that will not please everyone, but which still has the merit of presenting a certain number of advantages. Intrigued?

You will argue less with your partner

The notion of fidelity inherent in marriage is enshrined in the French Civil Code (article 212) and Quebec (article 392). By extension, monogamy appears as the basis of the couple, married or not… which is not without generating some complications.

Exclusivity seems to imply a certain mutually maintained possessiveness between the two spouses: each is “authorized” to give himself only to the other. Trust and mistrust go hand in hand in the relationship. This is how many domestic scenes break out in response to the suspicions of sir or madam. And this, whether the doubts are justified or not. Asking your significant other more or less abruptly where he/she spent the evening and with whom only responds to a need to be reassured and to appease your jealousy, but can hurt your spouse if he feels that you are putting his trust back and his integrity in question. And the situation can quickly degenerate if it turns out that the suspicions of one were founded: remember that infidelity is the first cause of divorce, and that the search for legal proof of adultery is one of the most important investigations. most demanded of private detectives (a link for anyone interested).

Thus, if exclusivity within the couple is no longer perceived as a reciprocal duty, the threat of deception no longer has any reason to exist and frees the couple from certain sources of tension. However, care must be taken, because each opening of a couple comes with the negotiation of the rules of behavior not to be crossed. Infidelity can still exist in open relationships. You can always consult a sex therapist psychotherapist to help you discuss your expectations and needs in this regard.

Element to consider in the opening of your relationship

You will enjoy a tremendous sense of freedom

Some find it relatively difficult to engage with a person for fear of seeing their spirit of independence stifled. A symbolism undoubtedly largely maintained by the institution of marriage, materialized by the passage of wedding rings on the finger and the legal obligations of the union…

After the first days of passionate love and sexual communion, it is not uncommon to be tempted to go elsewhere to see if the grass is greener – out of a desire for change, new experiences or simply to find a reassuring leeway – without wanting to place his recent relationship on the hot seat. A need quickly restrained by the diktat of fashionable morality and the rules of propriety that accompany it… which has every chance of degenerating into frustration.

At the same time, the unpleasant impression can develop that one’s body is a temple “reserved” for one’s other half (a feeling that will of course depend on the person and their relationship to the body). It is not difficult to imagine certain movements of sexual liberation (in particular feminism) making free union their war horse.



You can be more sexually fulfilled

We all have admitted or unacknowledged fantasies, and you are no exception to the rule. This is completely natural behavior. Nevertheless, many are those who give up on realizing their sexual fantasies, in particular for fear of the judgment of the other or by guilt, and to be satisfied with routine antics unable to calm their appetites. Of course, we cannot stress enough the importance of communication within the couple, especially in terms of sexuality. But living your fantasies to the full sometimes involves sharing them with the right person and getting out of the routine. This is the very principle of fantasy, which feeds on the transgression of “codes” and “prohibitions”.

It is therefore very likely that embarking on a free union would allow you to give free rein to your imagination, to live new enriching sexual experiences and to discover new avenues to be exploited later with your “permanent” partner. However, we must ask ourselves about the reasons that prevent us from living our fantasies with our partner of the moment.

On the other hand, the small libertinisms disseminated throughout the relationship are likely to boost your libido and spur your desire for your companion, and this all the more legitimately as your adventures do not involve betrayal or secretiveness. . Conversely, adultery leads in the majority of cases to the pure and simple explosion of the couple; in a few rare cases, it nevertheless happens that it makes the duo start again on a new phase of more intense sexual understanding.

You will gain self-confidence

Who says absence of obligation of exclusivity, says absence of secrecy and consequently, clear conscience. In a traditional relationship, unacknowledged infidelity and the guilt that follows can become a real time bomb for your health (and your relationship, of course). The open couple allows you to live your sexual and love life in complete serenity, without questioning yourself.

In addition, very often, after several years of a monogamous relationship, routine sets in and the passion for the beginnings gradually loses ground in favor of reciprocal tenderness. An evolution that can lead you to doubt your power of seduction and hurt your self-esteem. Sometimes a sign of difficulty tolerating more intense and significant intimacy than is found only in a long-lasting monogamous relationship.

In fact, sleeping with other lovers has the advantage of flattering your self-esteem and restoring your self-confidence: yes, contrary to what you might think, you are still capable of being the object of lust! A golden opportunity to discover or deepen other parts of your personality and flourish. It’s a safe bet that you will smile much more often in the mirror! You should hardly believe that the opening of your relationship will be all beautiful and without glitches. Several discussions will be necessary to maintain respect in the couple and jealousy can also be a major issue with this new status as a couple.

Article proposed by Hélène ( in collaboration with François Renaud MA, sexologist psychotherapist.

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Open torque…a misstep?

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