There are couples who don’t understand each other in bed. Many times they do get along well in everyday life – they have good communication, they relate well, they have the same tastes … – but when it comes to sex things just don’t work out.
Actually this it is quite frequent. Just as the members of the couple may like different genres of films, have different preferences about what to do on vacation or different tastes when it comes to food … the same thing happens with sex.
We are going to comment on some of the differences that couples find when having sex:
- One has more desire than the other. One feels sexual desire more often than the other, and that creates conflict between the two.
- You in the morning, I at night. Sometimes you prefer to have relationships at a certain time of the day (because you feel more energetic, because you are rested, because you are more receptive) and the partner prefers at another. That depends on the biorhythms of each one.
- Tender or wild. The attitude with which we prefer to have sex can also be a reason for disagreement. If one prefers a more tender and sweet attitude and the other more passionate and wild, it can be difficult to coordinate.
- Some practices or others. If one prefers oral sex and the other masturbation, or one wants to do anal sex and the other does not, it is possible that at least one of the two will not be satisfied.
Sometimes the differences between two people are so great that it makes them incompatible in bed. But before throwing in the towel, many things can be done to try to bring positions closer and get to an intermediate point where you both feel comfortable. To do this, it is essential to follow three steps:
- Self-analysis: do a self-knowledge exercise and reflect on what you like in bed, what you need to feel satisfied, what are your limits, what things do you need, yes or yes, what you can do without …
- Communication: Convey your conclusions lovingly and positively to your partner, choosing your words and taking care of your needs. It is always better to say “I would love for you to give me oral sex, because I enjoy it very much” to “I am sick of you that you never eat it, if you don’t I will feel frustrated and I will leave you”
- Negotiation: once the wishes and needs of both parties have been exposed, it is time to negotiate. In sex, negotiating implies making some practices more attractive or finding a middle ground for the two of you. For example, if my partner is bothered by anal sex, I can suggest using a anal lubricant to reduce discomfort. If I prefer to do it in the morning but my partner is slow to wake up, I can get up earlier and start making coffee or heating up the shower.
Negotiation in sex must always start from seduction. Things like “if you do oral sex to me, I agree to have sex in the morning.” The important thing is that we make having oral sex or doing it in the morning more palatable.
Once the negotiation process is finished we will have to reassess the situation. Am I comfortable with the type of sex life that I have achieved? Do I feel satisfied like this? If the answer is yes, great! I will be able to continue enjoying the relationship. If not, we will have to consider the possibility of the break, open the relationship to third parties in the sexual plane if I am in a monogamous relationship or try to accept (not resign myself) that I will not have the type of sexual life that I would like.
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My partner and I do not understand each other in bed – Sex on the skin
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