Eleanor does not think never to sex. She has had no libido for a little over a year. Because she is tired.
Her work fascinates her. She loves playing with her children and doing activities with them. Her husband, Thomas, is very in love with her and help as much as possible in daily tasks. Eleanor also loves him very much in return. So it’s a couple very welded.
They are very tender towards each other. They hold hands in the street, kiss each other’s lips whenever they get the chance, and hug each other every day to cuddle. Since they met, it’s been obvious to her: Thomas is her great love.
The last time they made love she took an amazing foot. It’s a good memory that’s starting to fade because it was a long time ago three months. Luckily that day he had insisted that they have sex. It’s true that they had gone on a romantic weekend without the children. It was by the sea with a pleasant warmth in the evening, the restaurant he had chosen was delicious.
So when it’s time to go to bed he had expressed his desire grabbing her waist and pulling her pelvis towards him. Oh! She got it right away! But the weekends are for resting because she is so tired…
He had to negotiate and get even a little angry for them to make love. It’s true that before that they hadn’t done it Since six months. Time passes so fast.
So it’s been three months already. She remembers this memory because she knows that tonight he will still attempt an approach. He takes his shower to smell good, he’s going to give her a massage like every Saturday. It’s a little ritual with them. Then he will probably start to caress her sensually to initiate a sexual relationship. But, tonight she is really too tired.
It’s starting to piss him off besides that he raises it constantly. He doesn’t understand that when she gets a break, when she’s more rested, then she’ll want to make love.
So she has everything planned for this Saturday night. She removed her makeup in a hurry so that there are still a few traces left. She put on her most covering and ugliest pajamas so as not to let no ambiguity on his intention to sleep.
Thomas enters the room naked. He is already half erect. Oh misery! It’s going to be more complicated than expected because He looks so motivated there!
He immediately sees her almost hidden under the sheets. She has her eyes closed.
“Well, don’t you want your massage?” he asks surprised.
– No, tonight I want to sleep. »
Thomas does not disassemble: “Let me wake you up a bit…” He said passing his hand under the sheet.
Shit! That is what I thought he is very excited tonight, thought Eleanor. So she contracts her thighs and wraps her arms around her chest. Her husband insists: “Remember the last time we had fun..”
Suddenly, a flash of disgust runs through her entire body as he touches her thigh. It explodes: “Damn it, let me go! Can’t you see that I can’t stand you touching me!!! »
Thomas is speechless. Because it is the first time that his wife told him that.
Eleanor softens in a few seconds and says to him as sincerely as possible: “It’s because I’m tired…”
Lack of libido leading cause of consultation among women
The absence of sexual desire is therefore the reason for which women most often come to see me. The problem is that in general they decide to consult when they are under pressure. That is to say that their relationship begins to suffer.
Most often it is because arguments about the lack of sex become very frequent or that the man has had an extramarital relationship.
It is therefore frequently that I receive these women after several years of lack of libido. Which has ruined their lives all this time.
A lack of awareness
When I ask them about the cause of their lack of libido, the answer is often: ” Because I am tired “. If not, they will tend to blame their partner: “He doesn’t know how to deal with me” or “He asks me too often”.
So there’s a very simple way to know if the partner is involved. Or if fatigue prevents you from making love. lay down two questions : after a long period without sex, do you:
- I feel the need to masturbate?
- Am I starting to desire other men? (without necessarily taking action)
If both answers are “no” then the partner is not in question nor fatigue. Nor any other excuses. If now there is at least one “yes” then the partner is part of the problem.
Indeed, sexual desire is motivation to make love. And why do you want to make love? What motivates you enough to trigger actions to have sex? It’s your own pleasure!
Not your partner’s.
So if your sexuality is good but it is parasitized by fatigue or a man who is not attractive enough, your libido will make you feel a lack. Which will therefore result in a need for sexuality: masturbation or desire for other men.
Because you will want to feel this pleasure that you miss so much. And that is the definition of libido.
A clear objective to be defined above all
When a woman lacks sexual desire, it is therefore most of the time that she has lost her libido, her interest in sex. Or that she never built it.
She will often find excuses because she imagines that “Sex is natural”. As if the interest in sex was going to fall on the corner of his face one fine spring day.
Nothing could be further from the truth!
Sexuality is a learning. To learn more about the subject, I recommend that you read: “The secret of a sexuality at the top”.
So we have two basic pieces of information: sex can be learned and the libido is for oneself.
Then another problem arises. Because the objective of a woman who lacks libido is very often: “I want to have desire to please my partner”.
If we start with this objective, it’s guaranteed failure because the desire arises from your own motivation to make love. Therefore the right goal is :
“I want to discover or rediscover my sexuality to please myself first and possibly give it to my partner”.
Sexological techniques work very well to reach this goal. But you will have understood that it requires daily exercises (about 5 minutes) and motivation.
If you want to know more about the female sexual pleasure I recommend this article: Received idea “A woman has more pleasure with a man who knows how to give it”.
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Misconception “I no longer have a libido because I’m tired” – Le Blog Sexologue
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