Later entry into working life, difficulties in finding a first job and finding accommodation on a tight budget… many young people today find themselves living with their parents. How can they have a fulfilling intimate life? Should parents accept that their teenagers or young adults have sex under their roof? Expert advice and advice from the pros.
“At the parents'” is at home too!
As Hugo Naudet, psychiatrist, reminds us: “Etymologically the family is those who live under the same roof and not the nuclear family as we understand it today. In human history, therefore, having sex in the home has only been a problem for 50 years. »
This is confirmed by Isabelle Maradan, a bubbly and very open mother: “As long as it’s not in the living room! I don’t see where the problem would be if it is done with the same discretion that we tried to have with them. With the parents, it’s with them too! Where else would they go? Apart from the car plan – you still need to have a license and live in the countryside – I don’t see well…”
Numerous parents share this position: sex is part of life such as eating, sleeping, or any other activity done at home naturally. They consider that their children have a sexuality at home, even before having sex. This is the intimacy of “home”, of their home in the house. It is not because sexuality opens up to the other that this should change.
Alix, 25, fully agrees: “It never bothered me to bring my little friends back to my parents, still happy! It might be hippie to say that, but for us sex is part of life just like food. As long as you drink in moderation, you’re fine. »
A default situation
All young people would undoubtedly prefer to have a home to copulate in peace, but in real life they don’t really have a choice. If they are still studying, they can’t afford much, and if they have a job but they still live with their parents, it’s not to pay for a hotel every time they want to hug each other. Let’s not forget that this generation is also very affected by the crisis.
“In fact, it’s a whole organization to frolic in peace. And sometimes it fails… Once, my brother showed up unexpectedly, he was coming home from college, he had forgotten his keys, he sounded like a madman. In full act, I was obliged to go open to him in a lamentable state, the loose hair and the babydoll upside down. In short, he grilled us. I was embarrassed,” says Sabine.
What Stuart confirms: “My mother didn’t like it at all. Suddenly, she kept breaking my plans and embarrassing me by shouting at me and inevitably, it broke the mood. »
The prohibition trap
As Hugo Naudet mentions:
“It is extremely illusory to think that we can prohibit or authorize sex in the home. And if the prohibition is exciting, the temptation will be all the stronger since sex is not tolerated at home. And then it would be quite unfair to prohibit sex at home for young people, since parents allow themselves to do so, right? »
There is the question : why could parents impose on their children something that they do not respect themselves? Moreover, it is not because we authorize that it will necessarily happen and even less that it will be the orgy every night.
A question of communication above all between parents and child
Our psychiatrist insists: “The refusal of dialogue is non-educational. What is important is to be able to talk about it between generations. Everything is played out in the relationships between them, in intergenerational transmission. »
In short, as with any other subject, dialogue and discussion are the basis of a successful education. “We are very open on the question with my parents, we talk about it with a lot of frankness”, affirms Alix who often shares her bed with her lover and even invites her to lunches with the family. Who said it was complicated?
The importance of age and the seriousness of the romantic relationship
However, the age parameter must be taken into account. Indeed, we recall: sexual majority in France, it’s 15 years. “I wanted to be in tune with the law, notes Cynthia, mother of a 17-year-old girl. I wouldn’t have tolerated it before 15 years, because I would have found it a little strange not to be a minimum match with the laws. »
That said, don’t worry, because, we also remind you: the average age at first sexual intercourse tends to rise rather than fall (he is now 16 years old). Young people make love later and less than their elders. Finally, parents prefer to see lovers than one-night stands. We understand them!
Sexuality of young people with parents: where, when, how?
To sum up, here is a note for young people with a few rules to follow.
Where to make love? In his room so as not to take the risk of being surprised.
When to make love? Ideally in the absence of the parents, again for avoid any unpleasant surprises. This means carefully studying their parents’ schedule: “At night, when you bring someone home, you have to get up quite late the next morning (or very early), eat your breakfast to check who is in the house and go back to bed to signal that the way is clear,” says Sabine, who was lucky enough to have an early-rising mother who often disappeared from the family home by 8:30 a.m.
Rather prefer the weekend and not too late: well yes, there is school / work during the week, right? And your parents have a life too.
With whom ? With lovers.his seriousness.his “I only brought home my regular friends. The one night stand, the only time it happened, my mother didn’t digest it. »
Comment ? In all discretion : show some decency to spare them a little. No one wants to hear your crap. So we don’t scream and we make ourselves small. To do this, Yann had developed a formidable technique: he put his mattress on the floor to avoid bed creaks that were as loud as they were annoying.
What if the parents don’t agree? There is always the good.ne boyfriend.girlfriend option and the policy of the ostrich: to act as if you were friends.ies. But frankly, it’s a bit like taking the parents for hams. And, as the idea is not to go to clash, we can only wish you to reach find a compromise with your parents or another place to love you.
As to parents, do not forget either that if there is a very intense and frequent relationship that your children have at home (and elsewhere for that matter), it is more with their mobile phone than with their lovers. It would therefore be a shame to deprive them of carnal relationships which they lack.
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Make love when you still live with your parents
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