Lies, sex and videotapes

What is the relationship between cinema and Sex Therapies? Well, the first makes many go to the second. And in this post I tell you why:

In the cinema there are two things that are never shown as they are:

Goodbye to phone calls (They never say “well, come on, I’ll hang up,” or a simple “goodbye”). They hang up abruptly when they get the information, and we know that is not real.

And the other: sex.

The great lies of sex in the cinema

  1. He gets an immediate erection. Sex is proposed, and boom, the penis is already erect and ready to penetrate. That is not true. Men (most of the time) also need a period of arousal for their penis to reach an optimal erection for penetration.
  2. She can be penetrated without apparent discomfort, as soon as the sexual act begins. And he also loves it. Lie. Like men, women need to be aroused beforehand, especially if they are going to be penetrated. Since lubrication (which only happens when the woman is aroused), makes penetration painless. So if the woman is penetrated immediately, she will surely feel pain.
  3. They both reach orgasm at the same time. In the cinema it always happens. When in reality it is not so easy to happen. It takes some practice and confidence to get there.
  4. The women with the «here I catch you, here I kill you» enjoy very much. Typical scene of two who like each other a lot, they find a place with more or less intimacy, and he immediately drops his pants and penetrates her. She really enjoys it. Yes, but by script. This type of sexual encounter, quick and coitocentric, does not always favor the enjoyment of the woman. In fact, it shows a rather submissive attitude of the woman regarding the pleasure of the man.
  5. There are no contraceptives. In most of these scenes, they do not use any form of contraception. Or at least it is not reflected in the scene. This obviously does sex ed a disservice. Also unwanted pregnancies, and sexually transmitted diseases.

Consequences in Couple Therapies and Sexual Therapies

All these things that we see in the cinema affect us. Create a perceptions of what sex should be like that are not real and cause frustration. I see it in Couples Therapies and Sexual Therapies.

We believe that if we do not go from 0 to 100 as soon as our partner looks at us, something is wrong. That if we do not have a completely satisfactory sex, it is that the thing does not work. Or that if we don’t get an immediate erection, something goes wrong.

Not at all. No sexual encounter is the same as the previous one. We are neither physically nor emotionally, in the same conditions, so the result is different. As I always tell my patients in Sex Therapies, most of the problems you have with sex, are in the head.

The cinema sells us many things when it comes to sexuality, which are almost unattainable. And if we talk about porn now … turn off and let’s go.


*Let’s get comfortable and let’s live sex in a natural way, without expectations. Being realistic and aware that each body, each sexual stimulus, is different from the previous one. If you have questions, or want to tell me about a sexual problem, do not hesitate to contact me.

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Lies, sex and videotapes


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