In the last article, we talked about your sexual pizza and how it relates to the dynamic of seduction in your relationship. Now let’s go with another metaphor …your show of your erotic life.
Your sex life (aka: how you make love) has a lot to do with the pleasure you get from it. Just like seduction, if you always do it the same way, the risks are that someone starting to find it a bit boring. As we know, routine kills sex. I’m not talking about the routine: metro, work, sleep. I’m talking about the routine of your sex. Even if you went all out to seduce the other or that your partner really gave himself to tickle your desire. If you are heading towards the same platitude 🥱 that you know by heart and that you no longer have the sense of exploration and novelty, good luck living off the passion of this fluid exchange … 🤤
Sexual “déjà vu”
When you can’t tell the difference between the different times you’ve had sex, it’s probably because the experience is starting to repeat itself. Let’s go back to my metaphor for the show of your sex life (I like that metaphors, if you haven’t figured it out yet 😅). It’s fun sometimes watching the same TV episode multiple times, because it was funny, funny, deep, exciting, etc. On the other hand, do you see yourself watching the same show several times in the same week? I’m not talking about the same series, but the same episode. For many couples, this is the story of their sex life. It’s no surprise that one or both of the urges take a hit after many years together.
I changed the sex position then it doesn’t work
It is not uncommon when I ask the famous question to my couples in therapy: “How do you vary your sex?” I often find myself with the answer: “Bennnnn… we change our position, and then we try to do it in other rooms”. Which is roughly the equivalent of taking your television and putting it aside or moving it from the bedroom to your kitchen. It stays… the same… TV show! Yes, it is true that changing the room or the sexual position can bring a small variation in the dynamics… but it can remain most of the time superficial as a change.
Is your scenario funny, romantic, “rough”, dirty ”, pig, animal or something else?
Think “DEEP” connection and “VIBE” with sex
- Do you consider that you and your partner are really deeply connected during your sexual lovemaking? (Having each one orgasm, simultaneous or not, being sexually aroused is not a sign that you are connected.)
- Have your style, vibe and sexual dynamics changed in the past few months?
- Do you take the time to really feel your partner when you touch them?
- Do you feel like your partner is present with you during sex?
- Has your touch become mechanical? (Like, you follow a sequence that you know well to achieve your ends … usually orgasm)
- When was the last time you were surprised to learn a new side of your partner sexually?
Give me a summary of your sex TV show
What would you answer me, if I had to ask you for a little preview or a summary of your erotic show that you do with your sweetie? Do you think your partner would sum it up the same way? Where would be the differences in your description? Would he have several shows to tell or just one? What are the emotions that the show of your sex life makes you experience? Does he have a main actor and another secondary? Who is the director of the show? What determines its end? Is your scenario funny, romantic, “rough”, dirty ”, pig, animal, or whatever?
Maybe it’s time for a change of TV series?
No, I’m not necessarily talking about changing partners. But maybe it’s time to not always play the same role or be the same character in bed. Sex is fertile ground for playing different roles. It doesn’t have to be very elaborate, it just feels like you change the channel from time to time 🤔.
Next article in the series:
Come slide in my sexual water park, it’s really wet!
Montreal psychotherapist sexologist
We would like to thank the writer of this write-up for this incredible material
Is the show of your sex life desirable? the sexologue.ca
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