Dismantling myths # Virginity – Nayara Mira | Sexologist in Valencia

Virginity from the culture of religions, has been used to identify women who had not practiced coital relations. It is a term that is used to describe something that remains unchanged from its origin and that religion proclaimed itself as its own to control the reproductive sexuality of humanity.

Virginity as a social construct

The virginity It is not a medical, scientific, or demonstrable term. It is a socially internalized construct that has shaped how we relate to each other in sex.

Therefore, virginity DOES NOT EXIST. It is an elaborate belief to control sexuality. And put unfounded fears that are lies. And how much damage have these lies done… It is one of the greatest burdens and headaches for many young people even today.

An old term. Very old.

Women who have not been penetrated, that is, who had not practiced intercourse, were considered as pure and neat women. Virginity is associated with purity, and if virgins came to the marriage, they were giving a message to the man with whom they had their first sexual relationship: “I am neat, I am pure and I give myself to you« oh »all powerful man” . (A little humor to take the anger out of this creepy myth). Being penetrated without being married, implied dishonor, humiliation, outrage and above all guilt. Much much guilt.

The Fault in the woman

An emotion that paralyzes us and makes us feel less. Women for centuries and even today in many countries, we are punished for living our sexuality as we please. As if it doesn’t belong to us. We are slaves of the most atrocious fear that has perpetrated in the minds of man and patriarchy: If we can control a woman’s sexuality, we can control her birth. Because our descendants are the most important thing for our humanity. A woman with rights and free to act as she pleases, having sex or not, intercourse or not, having children or not, being married or not, relating to a woman or not,… etc. … It means losing the privileges and masculinized status of this hetero-patriarchal society.

Losing Virginity

The term does not mean the same for men as it does for women. At present, the term has been “modernized”And is used for both boys and girls. Even today we find that when going to give sex education in schools and institutes, the term is often used a lot as an increase in self-esteem for boys and as a despicable behavior for girls. Since if the girl is “deflowered” by a boy who is not her partner, and wants only and exclusively to enjoy and feel pleasure, sometimes she has come to feel insults such as “slut” and “whore”. In addition to being linked to the myth of virginity is the following: the first time it hurts. Therefore, they have put so many lies to women about the way we should act in our first time, that having a sexual relationship for the first time for a woman is not the same as for a boy.

It makes me remember writing this post, Salvados program broadcast by La Sexta, where Jordi Évole asked a group of boys and girls what worried him the most about sex the first time. And his answers were most clarifying: the boys were concerned about not feeling pleasure. The girls to feel pain.

This is already a little tired, doesn’t it?

The belief about this difference between men and women goes back a long way. The loss of virginity in women is linked to the “rupture of the hymen”, a thin and very thin membrane that covers the entrance of the vagina, and that in many societies with a very strong weight of tradition, continues to give value to the fact of being penetrated for the first time.

As a woman and as a professional, it still gives me chills to think that many men in many parts of the world “they buy” the virginity of women as if it were a “trophy”. A privilege, that as a man, it is time to update a little, don’t you think?

I have seen in consultation how women, wishing to be only with women, have practiced intercourse with a man so as not to feel like weirdos. The concept of being “deflowered” has to be committed by a man.

Have we gone crazy?

I want to see things differently

How about we see our first time of any erotic encounter as a profit and not as a loss?

Self-knowledge of one’s own body, identifying our emotions and giving them value in their proper measure, will be our key to CHOOSE to our sexual partners; and in each of our experiences, TO WIN confidence to become the best lovers.

Let’s give intercourse the place it deserves. It is neither more nor less. Any sexual practice can be a first time. Given that every sexual experience is unique. That is why we must take care of both our physical, emotional and mental well-being to enjoy our bodies. Being free of prejudices, beliefs of the past or profanity comments from the most emasculating ignorance.

The diversity of bodies and the ways of loving

Fortunately, I see important changes thanks to the fight for human rights for women around the world and above all, a little more tolerance when it comes to accepting other ways of loving. Although there is still much to do. Sex education given by qualified professionals who transmit sexual health to society is urgent.

Virginity does not exist in diversity. Little by little and hopefully, the term remains in a memory that we have to look for in the psychology books of human evolution. And what that will mean that we will be a little freer and more responsible with our sexual health.

Virginity does not EXIST.


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Dismantling myths # Virginity – Nayara Mira | Sexologist in Valencia


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