Dismantling myths # Impotence – Nayara Mira | Sexologist in Valencia

The term “Impotence” to describe the loss of erection, is a very negative label that will mark a man’s self-esteem.

What the dictionary says and its etiology:

“The term impotence derives from the Latin word impotentĭa and refers to the lack or insufficiency of can to specify one thing, the impossibility of men to conclude intercourse or the inability to have offspring ”.

Impotence on many occasions is associated with ideas of incapacity and ineptitude, thus causing feelings of frustration and weakness in men. Because it associates, as a consequence, a lack of virility. Damaging his ego irretrievably.

The correct term to define an erection problem is called Erectile Dysfunction. And it will depend in any case on many factors. For example: By losing an erection once, it does not mean that we should already have a sexual problem. Many times, from that belief of incapacity and frustration, the man loses his confidence and magnifies a specific symptom, in a self-esteem problem where anxiety and especially shame overwhelm them.

Clinical Sexology, from a multidimensional dimension of the individual, defines erectile dysfunction as a Persistent inability to achieve or maintain an erection rigid enough to allow satisfactory sexual activity(Hair, 2004)

And what do we call a satisfying sexual relationship?

The answer is simple, but in practice, it is not always arrived with the same simplicity. A satisfactory sexual relationship would be to feel the pleasure, enjoyment and general feeling of well-being through all the pores of your skin. Body and mind are satisfied with the erotic game. Therefore, a good sexual education is necessary, reviewing our belief system regarding sex and last but not least, a physical, emotional and mental self-knowledge to be able to discern what is and what is not a sexual problem.

The majority of men, the first times they suffer a loss of erection, if they do not have enough knowledge of their body and if we add to that the scarce sexual education, they attribute it to a physical problem. If it is maintained over time, they usually turn to the urologist who will clear up their doubts. And it is when they are referred to the professional of sexology.

Possible most common causes of erectile dysfunction:


If a man does not have any physical problems and continues to have persistent erection problems, surely we would speak of a psychological and emotional problem. In a high percentage of young men with consecutive loss of erection in their sexual practices, suffer a irrational fear of failure fueled by a backward, mismanaged belief system about the idea that man will be frowned upon if he fails.

And it appears, if we are not able to stop it, a vicious circle of fear of failing, not measuring up, fear of abandoning the partner, or not looking for a new partner, … etc. That weakens self-confidence and, as a consequence, affects all other vital areas and the physical and emotional health of the person who suffers it.

It is therefore vitally important to work on sexual health and sexual self-esteem:

  • Sexual arousal and therefore erection, will only be possible if the male is relaxed and he manages to be present and focused on his exciting stimuli.
  • Loss of erection is blocked when we go to the head and inhibitory thoughts appear type (anticipate that there will be no erection, shame, etc …)
  • This leads to “pressure” for success. As if getting an erection is the key to her main objective, which in most cases is to get penetrated. Generating anxiety in your sexual performance.
  • Thus, the male will begin to be observed before, during and after sexual intercourse. Forgetting to enjoy and to feel pleasure because he has stopped being the actor to being a mere spectator of his body, irretrievably losing his erection.
  • And finally, increased tension and therefore anxiety, blocking and inhibiting future encounters and / or in the long term, falling into depression.

Some False Myths that lead to identify as “impotent sexual”:

  • Identify loss of erection as lack of virility. Virility is not measured by the hardness of the penis. It is a construct socially linked to masculinity and the traits that a man of masculine gender must have. With the right sex education, young men will stop seeking the false ideal of “virile alpha male»And they will stop suffering.
  • In a sexual relationship, I must maintain an erection continuously. It is a myth because it is impossible to keep the penis turgid continuously until ejaculation since the vascular system is balancing itself according to the excitatory response of each moment. Attention: What happens in porn is fiction. It’s not real.
  • The man must provide pleasure to the woman, without the erect penis, it is useless. This false belief is one of the most heard in sexological consultations. Believing that the man is responsible for the woman’s pleasure is a belief of the Judeo-Christian culture and of the patriarchy. Each person must be responsible for their pleasure and for this they need a good self-esteem and their own sexual self-knowledge. We have wonderful bodies with many erogenous zones. Exploring and enjoying them is the best way to stop focusing on your almighty penis.
  • The bigger the penis, the more pleasure it provides. The size of the penis does not determine better orgasms. In fact, it can even do more harm than pleasure. And beware! For both straight and homo couples. A good lover is not determined by a large erect penis, it is determined by the capacity for seduction, sensuality, movements, attitudes and behaviors that lead to ecstasy.
  • If I stop masturbating, when I have a sexual encounter I will surely not lose my erection because I will be super horny. Masturbation is a normal and physiological activity necessary for satisfactory sexual health. The quality of the erection is not influenced by the times you masturbate. And beware! Because it can lead to unwanted premature ejaculation. And the remedy will be worse than the disease. So, touch yourself as much as you want, as long as it does not negatively influence your sexual shares.
  • When a man loses his erection, it is because you do not find your partner desirable. It is totally false. It is one of the most widespread myths among women. Therefore, consequently, the man’s problem intensifies if his sexual partner transmits this discomfort to him. Returning back to the negative vicious cycle of failure and GUILT.

Do you think there are many more?

Let’s abandon the pejorative term “sexual impotence” and stop labeling ourselves as if there are absolute and universal rules in sexual relations of what is “normal” in sex. Loss of erection in young men is one of the most demanded reasons for consultation in sexology today. Experts attribute it to the precocious vision of porn and the little sexual education to know how to discern what is and what is not a satisfactory sexual relationship.

And above all the most important, more education in emotional intelligence, self-esteem and respect for oneself.

We would like to give thanks to the writer of this write-up for this remarkable material

Dismantling myths # Impotence – Nayara Mira | Sexologist in Valencia

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