Living in a pandemic has not been easy.
Uncertainty, loneliness, isolation and fear have been very present in the lives of many people.
In fact, as I write these lines, we are still immersed in the pandemic, without knowing how it will be resolved or what society will be like when all this is over. In fact, we don’t even know if the new normal will look anything like normal, because we have no idea what it’s going to be like.
Everything changes from day to day, week to week. That is why one of the most important exercises we can do is remember what are the things that matter most to us.
And one thing is clear: our desire to connect with other people is not going to go away.
In the midst of a health crisis, it is important that we think about our relationships well.
Who do we want to keep in touch with and how will we do it? What do the people in our life offer us? What can we offer you? How can we continue to build relationships, if the resources we had are no longer the same? How can we adapt to the new reality?
Right now, the string of questions is endless and the unknowns are still very real. But people need to love. That’s clear.
So what do we do with dating and relationships?
We are more sensitive
Many people have lost loved ones, or have been left without a job, without a business … who else who less, we have all suffered some setback. Plans that are truncated, projects and dreams that must be discarded.
We are all more susceptible, more sensitive; you have to be aware of it and have compassion and empathy.
When everything falters, it is time to redefine our way of facing the different areas of our life. When it comes to dating and relationships, we have the opportunity to be more honest, more direct, more transparent.
Seeking to understand what the other person has experienced, giving them a space to respect their losses, their pain (for small or big things) and also giving ourselves the possibility to speak honestly about our experience is a way to establish a very real connection.
Skin to skin (or not?)
Human contact. You remember?
The sweetness of pampering. The caresses. The first spark of electricity when you involuntarily brush your hand. The kisses that melt into hugs.
For those who have lived through the quarantine alone, or separated from their partner, the craving for human contact is incredibly pressing.
How can we satisfy a desire so human that it becomes a need, at a time like the present when physical distance is imposed?
Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer. It largely depends on where you live, the statistics of cases in your region and the recommendations of the local government.
Physical contact, and the intuition that awakens when you notice (or don’t notice) chemistry with someone is a very important factor in a relationship. But in many parts of the world we must reduce physical contact with people who do not live with us, and that gives us the opportunity to connect in other ways.
I have always been in favor of going a step further and having relationships with someone if you feel that it is the right time for you and for your new partner, but it is true that sometimes it complicates everything a bit. Extending the preliminary phase also brings opportunities to meet, to establish a friendship and to talk about the type of intimacy that you want to build, and how it will be.
With your new partner, you can ask yourself questions such as:
- What kind of physical contact do you find comforting and reassuring?
- What do you think is the best way to express physical affection with your partner?
- Is there a part of your body that you don’t like to be touched?
- What guidelines should be established before having sex?
In fact, we should always talk about these things. With the kids. With partner. With family and friends. We all have different tastes and desires, and we also have our limits. All of that is worth talking about when we first start dating.
Enjoy the process
Enjoying is one of the main gifts we can give ourselves and others.
Despite everything that has happened in the world lately, our ability to have fun remains the same.
Having fun with someone, sharing a fit of laughter, telling someone else something very intimate about you: that’s what it’s all about.
How can you enjoy being with someone to the fullest? How can you make a deeper and more satisfying connection?
After quarantine, dating again is a gift. Our idea of normality has changed, perhaps our approach to life has changed as well. It is time to shed old norms, rules and expectations and approach love from a new perspective.
Natasha’s passion for reproductive health began at the age of fourteen, when she witnessed the birth of her younger sister. Her incredible experiences as a midwife have allowed her to develop her knowledge of the wonderful world that exists between childbirth and pregnancy. She considers herself a birthing activist. Use writing as an educational tool to create a change in how we perceive reproductive health.
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Dating again: dating after quarantine
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