Lucia Martin | January 30, 2022
Category: Hints and Tips
This headline may seem somewhat cryptic, as if Agustín Fernández Mallo had written it (honestly, I don’t see one of the exponents of the Nocilla Generation writing in that app of the devil that is Tinder) or as if it were part of a song by Heroes of Silence, one of those that nobody understands the lyrics (the singer, alias cheeks sucked, yes I see more of Tinder, to be honest, and I sense him pedantic very pedantic). But no, this headline is mine, only mine, although the story behind it happened to a friend, I wish it would happen to me, but of course, there is a crucial element that I don’t have: the car.
Last week, Cristina excitedly held my hands when we were in the schoolyard, violating all the covid guidelines, those who say that we do not touch each other with a stick. But it was not for less: she had received an anonymous letter. Cris is part of this group of MILFs that we have created at the kids’ school (there are six of us), each one hotter and, of course, looking good, it’s no wonder someone left her an anonymous note, even if that was almost a thing worthy of a novel by the Bronte sisters, it is also true. And that leads me to think that the author of the note is not a millenial because if not, I would have contacted her in another way, I don’t know, asking for her urge or something like that. But back to the note…
It said like this and I make a literal reproduction of the text: «I would like to meet you without any neighbor finding out. Just you and me. I am the boy who has the girl and the boy. Think about it. I wait for you”. And a mobile number.
Let’s analyze the note, by parts.
At first, it bothers me a lot that he has not put accents and that he says, in the plural, “enteren” when it is a singular subject, but this is a writer’s fault, that perhaps it was the nerves of this romantic because they did not catch him in the last minute leaving the note in Cris’s car. But I also tell you from here that not writing correctly is reason for unmatch on Tinder at the drop of a hat. Write it down, Evaristo (let’s imagine that his name is Evaristo, but you can call him whatever you want; Ezequiel, Ignacio or Hermenegildo).
Second, the message says “I’d like to meet you without any neighbors knowing.” She walks that she has put that without her husband knowing (Cris has santo). Noel santo she brings it to Evaristo, what he wants is to dip the churro with Cris, but flat, if we stick to the definition of neighbor, her husband is also your neighbor! No? Perhaps it is simply a sign of denial: I want the milf and pretend I’m not married, but wow… Another possible explanation for that “without any neighbor finding out” is that Evaristo is also married. And it’s very plausible considering the next part of his note, “I’m the guy who has the girl and the boy.”
Let’s see, Evaristo, as a differentiating element, to say that one has a boy and a girl, the couple, the truth is that it is very distinctive from the rest of the men, from the city It’s not Christina’s. You didn’t put “the one with the scar on his face”, “the one with the metallic gray Volvo with tinted windows” or “the one with the blue hair”. We already know that in Spain there are not many children and that the birth rate is down, but with the boy and the girl you play a lot of confusion. Perhaps you have put it thinking that Cris has once noticed you when you went with your churumbeles and, from here, we already tell you no: that Cris does not know who the hell you are. She has confirmed it for us, so for the next note, try a little harder.
But beyond the message, Evaristo, wasn’t there anything other than a fucking crappy napkin that you took from the bar on the corner of your neighborhood? And thank goodness it wasn’t dirty and with sausage stains, but I don’t know, boy, something a little higher, more stylish: a page torn from a notebook, and well torn, not with bites on the paper. What do I know: a slightly more elaborate format, that the napkin is crappy, damn it. You will want to flirt with Cris, but get it with a shitty napkin, no, man, no, leave him a more careful role, even expensive. And you put it in a overcookedthat there is also no need for everyone to see it.
I don’t know, maybe mine is a simplistic analysis, but I see there a man who fucks badly, who doesn’t work out the details, who immediately goes to the genitals, a falocentrist, here I catch you, here I kill you. Conquest and seduction require a certain prose, Evaristo. You also go to a married woman and with her needs covered. From here, my advice that I know you haven’t asked me for, but I’ll give it to you for free: try a little harder on the next MILF you leave a note in the car for. Take care of the message, the spelling and, of course, the paper. You can go to a stationery store and ask for good quality paper that does not deteriorate in the open, for example.
Cris is happy because, hey, these things raise the ego, of course, and they also show that romanticism is not dead and that there are Evaristos out there on the loose, who have a girl and a boy and who believe that they can flirt with an anonymous letter written on a wrinkled napkin. How cute.
Lucía could not live without writing, music or the potato omelette. Had she lived in the Middle Ages, she would doubtless have been burned for blasphemy and a witch. Spooky, independent, with a sense of humor, crazy, brave, rebellious to the core, talkative… Considering all these adjectives you will understand why her father considers that no man, in her right mind, would want to marry her. Freelance since 2008, she has published in the most important media groups in Spain and, as she is a word lover, she has also published 7 books. At the moment…
We would love to give thanks to the author of this short article for this remarkable material
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