7 things you might do before bed that are bad for your sex life

PRIVACY – In an ideal world, our bedroom would be a sanctuary for us and our partner.

Sadly, we live busy lives, but not perfect ones. Professional emails pile up, and we answer them just before going to sleep, or our children show up in the room demanding to sleep with us and we don’t know how to say no.

These kinds of interruptions inevitably happen, but if we let them happen too often, it could damage our relationship. Marriage counselors reveal seven common habits to banish at bedtime to preserve our privacy.

1. Talk about your schedule in bed

Find another time to decide who is going to foot the phone bill or pick up this or that family member at the airport, advises Danielle Kepler, therapist in Chicago.

“Of course, couples have to talk about everyday life – you have to decide who is going to pick the children up from school and what to do for dinner the next day – but not in the bedroom,” adds the specialist. “This kind of conversation can only ruin the intimate and romantic feel of this room.”

2. Take your phone with you when you go to bed

According to one recent survey, nearly 75% of Americans living as a couple go to bed with their Smartphone. However, 35% of respondents consider that using their phone at bedtime has a negative impact on their sex life.

Don’t make this bad habit. Unless you use it to search the internet for quotes from Sade before taking action, leave your phone away from the bed, advises Alena Gerst, psychotherapist in New York.

“When you’re on your phone, you immerse yourself in your virtual world, as if the person sharing your bed isn’t even there,” she continues. “You may not hear your partner when they ask you a question or demand your attention, or ask them to wait because you are too busy looking at your screen. It does not promote intimacy.”

3. Let your children or dog sleep in the marital bed

If you have young children, they are bound to spend a few nights in your bed after a nightmare or because they feel like cuddling. Do not forbid them: they will grow up fast enough! But don’t make it a habit either, warns Kurt Smith, male therapist.

“I advised men who complained of finding their partner asleep in their bed with their child, because it changed the way they saw their room: it was as if this room no longer belonged to them”, he explains. . “It can quickly become a source of resentment, conflict or estrangement between spouses.”

The same rule applies to Medor, as adorable as he is.

“Some patients complain about the smell and the physical barrier caused by the presence of a pet in the bed,” he says. “It becomes problematic if it prevents you from sleeping or having intimate intercourse with your partner.”

4. Let clutter build up in the bedroom

See that pile of laundry, dirty socks and handbags hanging around in the corner of the room? You would be much more likely to have a good kicking game if you got rid of it.

“The clutter and clutter kill privacy,” says the expert. “Last week, a man explained to me that the room where he sleeps with his partner was not very romantic and hardly invited to come together because it was too messy. He admitted that it was. partly responsible. “

5. Work in your room

The first rule to follow in order to maintain a balance between work and private life is to leave professional imperatives at the door of your room. If you absolutely have to answer your emails or a late call from your boss, leave the room.

“You have to associate the bed and the bedroom with tranquility and romance, not with the stress of work,” recalls Danielle Kepler. “For the sake of you, your sleep and that of your partner, never work in your bedroom.”

6. Make the bedroom a second living room for the whole family.

It is not uncommon for the master bedroom to become the room where we watch TV with the family. It’s fun for the kids because it’s a place they don’t often have access to. So they want to watch their cartoons there! Let them do it every once in a while, but try to keep this kind of activity as much as possible in the living room, advises Kurt Smith.

“A lot of men tell me that they love their children but hate feeling like they’ve lost their private space in the house,” he says. “The parents’ bedroom often tends to be the children’s playroom, but if your privacy is important to you, don’t accept it.”

7. Watch or read the news in bed

News is a never-ending cycle. To preserve your relationship, resist the temptation to read the reactions to the President’s latest tweet when you are in bed.

“It is natural to want to settle down to get up to date with the news of the day,” said Alena Gerst. “But better to enjoy this quiet moment with your partner. News, especially these days, can be stressful.”

Watching CNN or browsing your Twitter feed “has the opposite effect of when you get into bed and enjoy the physical closeness of your partner. It is this closeness that you need to put first.”

This article, originally published on the American HuffPost, was translated by Iris Le Guinio for Fast for Word.

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7 things you might do before bed that are bad for your sex life

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