Thank you very much for this letter, which, we are sure, will resonate with many other readers.
We know it: the couple is made of compromises, and each one has its share of sacrifices and efforts to provide. Yours are substantial, and it is quite normal, despite the road traveled, that the situation still gives you a problem sometimes.
“It’s hard every day not to feel wanted or looked after. Especially since in the collective imagination, it is the man who is always in demand, and the woman who, due to hormonal fluctuations, menstruation, pregnancy, or even breastfeeding, no longer feels desire ”, explains Gabrielle Adrian, sex therapist and creator of the platform“ My Sexo (https://mysexo.fr/) ”.
It is true that men who do not have an overwhelming sexual appetite rarely take center stage. The stereotype that women need more tenderness than sex, unlike men, those orgasm-hungry sexual beings, is still widespread.
“Men are also concerned by hypoactive desire, that is to say, decreased libido and sexual desire,” nevertheless confirms Gabrielle Adrian. Why don’t we talk about it in a more liberated way? Certainly because of this toxic masculinity which continues to make its own, and to propagate the cliché of the virile man who thinks only with his penis.
“The hypoactive desire in men generates a great frustration, due to the exaggerated expectations which affect the male libido. We still think too often that a man must be “always ready”, “laments the sex therapist.
We have understood, Aurélie, that this is not your case and that you understand that your partner does not always want to make love. All the same, it seems important to us to give a little reminder of the facts here. Breaking news: male desire, too, fluctuates according to hormones. “In men, desire is dependent on their testosterone level. This is present in the blood at a rate of three to twelve nanograms per milliliters. Below this rate, there is a significant drop in sexual appetite, ”explains Gabrielle Adrian.
And if the mental burden still weighs heavily on women, men too can feel overwhelmed and overworked on a daily basis. “The stress, the difficulties that can arise at work, the time spent taking care of children: the pressure is very real. According to a survey carried out by IFOP in 2010, fatigue is the main cause of a drop in libido. The people questioned then evoke reasons related to the education of children, financial or professional concerns, and migraines, ”recalls Gabrielle Adrian.
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5 effective ways to boost your sensuality
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