Going to Couples and Sexual Therapy is never easy. My patients come to me because they have not been able to solve their problems on their own. They are lost and distressed by know if your problem can be solved, and it is one of the first questions they usually ask.
The truth is that there is no certain answer. Each couple/patient is a world, and diagnosing (in the first session) if a problem can be solved would be a mistake on my part. But the truth is that after many therapies behind my back, I am convinced of one thing: both the problems that lead you to go to Couples and Sexual Therapy can be solved, provided that three requirements are met:
1. in sex therapy, it is only necessary that the problem is not one physical limitation. To date I have not had any cases (the problem has always been in the patient’s head). We are talking about cases of vaginismus, premature ejaculation, lack of erection, anorgasmia, lack of sexual desire, etc.
2. And in Couple therapy, the only requirement is that there is still love in the couple (the famous phrase of «As long as there is love, there is a solution«).
3. But in both cases, there is a key condition for the Therapy to work: JOB.
It is the word that I repeat the most in Couples and Sexual Therapy: work, work, work and work. Or said by Rihanna:
Many patients think that with the hour of weekly session of Sex/Couple Therapy, the problem is going to be solved. And I wish it were like that, but the reality is different: you have to work between sessions, do “homework” that I order, dedicating time, effort and affection.
With work, the results come sooner. Couples and Sexual Therapy are much more effective.
In the sessions we study, evaluate and correct day-to-day aspects, but these duties are also supervised, and it is my way of seeing if the patient/couple responds correctly to the therapy. That is why it is key that it be dedicated time and effort.
I feel like a math teacher writing this, but the truth is that it shows when a couple/patient does their homework the night before, or when they do it without putting much effort into it, just so I don’t “catch” them. And again, as my math teacher would say, “Not that I notice; it shows in the results«.
Of course, I do not scold. I understand that we have little free time and that sometimes we are too lazy to do what the sexologist has ordered us to do. I notice this “sloppiness” especially in couples who come because they have little sexual appetite. The reason is clear: they have become accustomed to living without sex, and they know that they can continue to live “well” like this. But really, you do not know how fast you advance when you get down to work.
The work outside the sessions is 50% of the success of Couples and Sexual Therapy.
Especially since you have already taken the step of going to therapy. For many, going to a complete stranger to tell her about their sexual or relationship problems is a stick. For many of you, it is the most difficult, that is why to the brave ones who have taken that giant step, I encourage you to work hard, to make an effort, to fight. To remove that which is causing them so much pain.
With work, physical health and what remains of love, (most) problems can be solved.
So as Britney says, get to work!
And if she says so (remember that in 2007 she shaved her head), we will have to listen to her.
And if you want to see what are the most common mistakes made in Couples and Sexual Therapy, do not miss this post.
*let’s get comfortable and if we are going to any type of Therapy, let’s work and get our batteries out of the session, because only then, we will be able to solve our problems as soon as possible.
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3 keys for sexual or couples therapy to be a success.
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